I had a friend
who had come into rather a lot of money midway through life and he was rather showy offy about it. He came round my house for lunch a while back and asked for a jam sandwich. I was a bit fed up with his boasting and showing off, so I thought I'd sabotage his food in a terrible, terrible way.

You see, instead of using the jar of nice strawberry conserve, I put tesco value jam in it. I know it was harsh but his attitude was really abrasive and he just pushed me over the edge.

Anyway, when he bit into the sandwich he immediately noticed. Unlike the posh jam, this jam was absolutely smooth with no bits in it. This made him think of the smoothness on the rapidly balding tires of his dad's old Lada, and when they were driving down a snowy country lane one night in 1979. The bald tires caused the car to crash and his dad was killed.

His eyes welled up and he ran out of the house. I've never heard from him since. I feel really, properly guilty.


...
...
...
...oh fuck off. I have absolutely nothing for this week. And my story is as good as any, it just lacks a grounding in reality.
(GONEism, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 14:31, 2 replies)

Well
I liked it.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 17:42, closed)

clickclick
But why would you have tesco value jam in the first place?
(Sco smokes crack often., Sat 20 Sep 2008, 21:12, closed)