I may have had my food sabotaged...
Many years ago I'd travelled to a pokey little dingleberry near Birmingham to see my then girlfriend. It was my first time seeing her and I was up there for a couple of weeks. Add to this the fact that I was 16 and my first trip away alone, I was quite nervous.

One evening, after a walk in one of the local "parks", the girlf decides we should go to her local kebab house, get something to eat and head home. She did warn me that the owner of said establishment had had a bit of a thing for her. Being from Kent I'm naturally suspicious of foreign folk, so this made for a fun time. We enter the kebab place and the following conversation takes place.

"Aaaah, Sarah, you have new man I see!"

"Yes, yes I do."

(to me) "You take care of this girl my friend, she is very special"

"Yes, yes I will"

"If you do not I'll have to sort you out, hahahaha!"

"Hahahaha."

"Yes, you treat her good or I come beat you to death with table leg! Hahahahaha!"

"Hahaha...ha.......ha..........ha."

He then pulls out a table leg from behind the counter and gives me a weird grin. He then winked at her.

I really, really regret asking him to put mayonnaise on it. Christ knows what it might have been.
(GONEism, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 16:42, Reply)