Cheeseburger, no...cheesebooger
I had been working as a security guard faithfully for 3 years but the new owners were beginning to find reasons to fire people because some were trying to get a union started and, all of a sudden, the company would use any reason to ding you for ANYTHING. I was high on the suspect list because I moonlighted for another guard company that contained a lot of the organizers. I WASN'T involved, but neither would I rat them out, so they targeted me HARD. We were allowed THREE points violations per month before we got canned, but this had happened before, so I figured I'd keep my nose clean and ride it out. Well, it wasn't to be. There was a known fink/rat in the company, and everyone knew he was an alky, but the company was blackmailing him to rat on others or be fired for his problem. I had NO malevolence toward the guy until this happened. Anyway, they dinged me for two points as soon as they could (coffee stain on uniform, talking during guardmount, both ordinary things for everyone), but they were having trouble getting the third point on me because I disciplined myself to toe the line EXACTLY. I'd done it a million times before, everyone had, when things weren't so hostile. Anyway, one day I had things happen at the house and I was running a little behind, so I got in my GSX and zipped to work very fast. We had to be 15 min early to work for guard mount, so it was a known tradition for the guard at the front gate to know the cars of the other guards and just wave them through for start of shift. Happened every day. We all did it out of professional courtesy for each other as well as just covering each other's butts. Well, this day I came speeding to work, and who's on the front gate, but Rick, the rat. I had just minutes to go to get to the office, which was just a tick inside the gate, but he insisted I come to a complete stop and show my ID, walk around my car and look for security decal infractions. I started shouting at him that I was going to be late, but he persisted, so I knew what was up: the third point. He managed to make me late, and they wrote me up. I knew the end was a day or two away depending on who they got to cover my shift.

Anyway, I got lucky and got to work the front gate the next day as the break liaison was bringing food through for everybody from the local burger joint. He was a bud of mine and knew what was going down with me, and while we talked, my eyes focused on the bag of food. "Hey Jerry! Is there a burger for Rick in there?" I asked. "Yeah, he's got a big ol' fat double cheese burger in there. It' got his name on it.." I smiled and opened the bag, getting the fat, greasy dripping thing out. Jerry grinned too as he realized what I had in mind. I flipped open the bun and dug a huge, slimy ass booger out of my nose and put it smack in the middle of the patty, then closed the bun and rewrapped it. "Give him this for me, willya?" I chuckled. "Sure!", says Jerry.

After I got canned, I bumped into Jerry in the store, and he proceeded to describe how Rick had grabbed the boogerburger and wolf it down, even saying, "Aw..best cheeseburger EVER! And extra salty, too! Just the way I like it!"

To this day, I like to think I added the "salt".

They fired Rick anyway, and he went and became a carny and was never heard from again.

Serves him right. Wonder if he ever had another cheesebooger as good as that one....

Plus, that stupid company turned me from not caring about unions to a very pro-union person due to this incident. Idiots. If you just treat a person right, you won't have to watch your back all the time.
(nunyuz, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 17:26, Reply)