When a spade faced woman and a compulsive liar conspire (AKA How I learned to stop worrying and love Cillit Bang)
Simple story going back to when I was seventeen or so at a casual get together between myself and a handful of friends. Present were S, his shovel-faced partner and professional leech L, P - a friend/compulsive liar of the highest magnitude who lived for attention, J and a guy named G with a HUGE ginger fro. (He was awesome.)

After spending a fun few hours getting drunk and playing trolley wars in Tesco carpark at 1:00am, a sport which involved many injuries for the people colliding the trolleys but more for those inside them, we all sat down to unwind for a while in S's kitchen. P however had other ideas and decided to ask that he talk to L in private, (a girl he barely knew) and play vulnerable in the chance he could seduce her. We all knew L had cheated on S and screwed him around before, (many times) I guess he was hoping for some of that.

We all watched this from a distance, they sat out in the kerb for a couple of hours with P trying his hardest to get her affections not knowing we were watching. After a while he came back in on his own and asked that someone make him a drink and sulked off to the TV, (I guess she said 'No chance you needy seven stone wreck') we decided to make him a glass of apple squash, all we had that wasn't alcoholic, with a twist.

I took the glass in to the bathroom and topped it up with the last few drops of a particularly satisfying slash by stirring nicely with my god-given utensil before serving it, and us all trying not to give it away as he drank it.

For years since then he's still the only person who hasn't found out, and doesn't get or even think to question why the subject of apple juice entertains everyone so much and comes up so frequently, though nobody has seen him that much since he was turned down by the army for being a heavy-smoking meat stick.
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 1:14, Reply)