Kaol and the tale of the Mouse Omelette
First of all, I'm a lovely person. I'm afraid, however, that we all do things from time to time that makes us seem like a cunt.
This is one of mine...

A couple of years ago, I was living with a fellow student called "Mike".
Now, Mike was a scummy bastard, there's no other way to describe it.

He took two showers that I'm aware of the whole year I was living with him.
He never seemed to wash his clothes.
He managed to get our house invaded by ants, which came through the door, up the stairs, past my room and into his.
His bedroom smelt foul. Fouler than a Musk Ox's ring-piece.

All of those things, however, I could deal with.

What I couldn't deal with was him stealing my food.
I was scraping money the whole time I was at uni, to the point that some weeks I'd be eating cous-cous and tinned tomatoes and not much else.
His parents were paying for everything for him, including a hundred pounds a week "going out" money...
So why the fuck did he have to keep stealing my food?

His worst habit was stealing left-overs. If I made a chilli, I'd make fucking loads of it, freeze it and then leave a portion to defrost in the fridge for the next day.
About half of the time my meal would "mysteriously vanish".
It was just the two of us in the house, and he'd deny it.

So one day I decided to get my own back.

I made two wonderful cheese, mushroom and bacon omelettes, ate one, and put the other into the fridge.

The next day it was gone.

What he'll never know is the glowing sense of satisfaction that he'd eaten an omelette made of dead baby mice.

You see, I had a snake. This snake ate baby mice, so I had a box in the freezer full of them.
Mouselings don't have any fur, so they're pink and look a lot like foetuses.

I took a large handful, removed and discarded the heads, chopped up the bodies into cubes and shallow-fried them.

So that's the story of how my dirty, thieving housemate ate dead mice.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 9:38, 14 replies)

Most satisfying :)
Doubly so to find him, email him and tell him.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 9:51, closed)

oh man that's revolting
Not saying he didn't deserve it, mind, but that's really fucking grim...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 9:51, closed)

Yeah...
Like I said, I'm not proud of this.
But it fits the QOTW.

EDIT: Also, I'm feeling sick now, the smell of frying mouse-guts...
*cries*
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 9:52, closed)

Harsh, but fair enough.
You should have told the boy, though. It's the only way he'll learn.
( Moey, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:11, closed)

He'd've done something like
Piss in every bit of food I owned for the rest of my time there.

Not worth it.

I might, as has been suggested, email him this story.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:03, closed)

Vindictive type, hey?
Take some inspiration from the stories in this QOTW, and add a few extra acts of revenge when you email the bugger.
( Moey, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:24, closed)

Hahaha!
Just lie to a massive degree about all kinds of things...

Nah, the mouse thing would be enough... We had some good times...
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:33, closed)

Hurrah!
*prouds*
( thealternativefact, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 10:20, closed)

Good one.
I've never thought of using my dead mice in that way.

Ponders.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:44, closed)

Snakes
I threatened to secretly feed my (vegetarian) boyfriend pinkies if he displeased me.

He said one day I'd find my own snake in a home-made curry.

Touché.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:52, closed)

They smell terrible if you cook them
As I'm sure you know, we've all over-defrosted them in the microwave...
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:57, closed)