self sabotage
another tale from childhood.

i was holding a tea party for natalie, tara, mary and guy (you wouldn't have been able to see them, only i could see them) but my parents were in the kitchen so all the ingredients for my spread came from the next obvious alternative, the bathroom.

i made a huge pile of toilet paper sandwiches filled with generous servings of toothpaste. i added colour and texture with a gravy made from two different types of bubble bath. dad's shaving foam was an excellent alternative to whipped cream. all that was missing was a garnish.

after some more foraging for ingredients in the bathroom, tucked in the back of the cupboard, i found the perfect thing. i didn't know what they were, i'd never seen them before. they were small and perfectly round, in all the colours of the rainbow. i looked on the side of the box. b - a - t - h p - e - a - r - l - s. bath pearls? wow, they really did look like pearls. these were perfect.

back in my room, i buried my hand in the cold squishiness of them all in the box. then i dressed each book-for-plate with a few, holding each one up to the light. they were fascinating. you could squeeze them like grapes. they looked like the most delicious sweets in the world, the kind of sweets you'd probably only get in disney world.

of course, my head knew they weren't edible. they were called bath pearls, and i'd already worked out that anything you used in the sink was edible, but anything used in the bath was not. but my mouth and eyes could not believe that anything that looked that delicious would not taste of ice cream or cakes or golden syrup.

of course they tasted like fairy liquid and made me throw up. you should have seen the look on my parents faces when they found me, sitting in the middle of what looked like an industrial accident. i nearly laughed, but i was foaming too much at the mouth.

natalie and the rest of the gang just left me to it. wankers. seriously, you can't trust anyone :(
(threadkiller, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)