Booze (or not)
Working in a pub you meet lots of nice people, unfortunately you also have to suffer more than your fair share of cockends.

Now, I have a large number of footy style knobbers who drink in my establishment and one week a particularly loud, mono-brain celled chap fucked me off and I vowed to get him back. The next week he struts in, not bothering to appologise for last weeks penistry and orders a bottle of Becks, and so it starts. I take an ice cold bottle out of the fridge, open it and plonk it in front of him.

Now he proceeds to drink another 8 odd bottles, getting louder and more obnoxious with each one.

Once again he's getting on my nerves. His loud and grating voice letting everyone in the postcode know his small and worthless opinion on every subject. So, I go over to tell him to wind his neck in and stop being so obnoxious.

"Well, you shouldn't have served me so much beer," he tells me. To which, with a big shit eating grin, I can only reply by picking up one of his empty bottles off the table and pointing at it. "It's no alcohol Becks, you idiot. That's all I've been serving you today".

His mates start pissing themselves and taking the piss out of their "friend", who it transpires has managed to get "drunk" of 9 bottles of 0.05% lager. To make matters even better, he ran out of money, couldn't afford to buy another drink, his mates wouldn't buy him one and he got the appropriate response from me when he asked for a tab.

Yes, sometimes I like the power I have in my job.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:41, 18 replies)

Excellent stuff.
I want this to win.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:53, closed)

*click*
Soooo much win!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:09, closed)

Excellent!
Close the QOTW, we have a winner!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:58, closed)

This story...
better win! Sheer, unadulterated class!
(The Stig, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 12:58, closed)

hehe
Brilliant :) *Clicks FTW!*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:00, closed)

Ah...
The power of sticking a link on the OT board :D
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:02, closed)

I do like this
so have a *click*

and thanks Kaol for the link .....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:05, closed)

Excellent
*registers enclickment*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:08, closed)

Monkeyboy
You have a friend in Kaol.

*click*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:08, closed)

Good stuff.
All the better for you not pissing/wanking/defecating/etc... into his beer.

Clicky for you.
( Moey, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:18, closed)

Ahaha!
Ace!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 13:29, closed)

Brilliant!
Nicely done. :-)
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 14:15, closed)

It does rock sometimes
I actually enjoy IDing the awkward ones, but my ultimate is telling them to leave because they are too drunk.

"i've got the power!"
(GirlOfTheWorld, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 14:42, closed)

Also reminds me
Of my post from last time:
www.b3ta.com/questions/customersfromhell/post236833
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 14:46, closed)

Awesome
You should give lessons :-)
(GirlOfTheWorld, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 14:49, closed)

Lessons?
In what? Awesomeness?
( Cawl, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 15:03, closed)

Reminds me of the funny old men
who say, "you haven't asked for my ID"
Always deflates them when you tell them you don't take buss passes.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Mon 22 Sep 2008, 16:20, closed)

I've always been tempted to do this,
I've heard that a lot of 'getting drunk' is a placebo effect
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:13, closed)