She doesn't drink the vodka...
Me ex-boss/landlady of me old local pub had just moved to Swansea to run the place and was a bit lonely. She was irritated at the amount of shit she had to clear-up for the brewery (the previous landlady got fired due to some Jeccy intervention, but that's another story) and had the womanly-needs that a well charged vibro just couldn't reach. She put out the word, and a blind date was organized.
Basically she'd managed to get a sneak peak of this guy and he was a good 6 foot eco-warrior version of Steve Martin (what the deuce?) and was boring as fuck. She'd already decided to drop him like a brick but couldn't build the courage to cancel the date, as he'd already booked tickets for the cinema.
I'm working the bar downstairs on that night and talking to one of the regulars about her up and coming blind date. We're yapping away, and I suddenly remember that me boss has given us all warnings about giving her drink when she's drunk, which is vodka makes her violent. She turns fucking evil apparently, a bit like feeding a mogwai after midnight. You don't do it. Well it's the same with her and vodka. She'd told us a few stories before about her previous pub and attacking one of the regulars after 4 vodka shorts just because he was reading her paper. Excellent thinks I.
After a quick chat and a fiver bunged to the regular, landlady turns up at the bar. And then the plan went into effect.
Tim (the regular) "Hello babes, pull up a stool, just had a raise in work and am celebrating. Cmon, let me buy you a drink, Jeccy get us 2 vodka-redbulls here please."
Me "Coming right up..."
Landlady "Hang about, I can't drink tha..."
Tim "Why? I'm celebrating here! Don't offend me with that kind of talk, Jeccy, chuck 'em here."
While Tim's trying to convince her to drink it I quickly double them both up and stick some redbull in both.
I stick the drinks in front of them, get the fiver back to pay for them with Tim adding "Buy one for yourself too Jeccy" and I get a bottle of coke to boot. Landlady sees the blind date come in, looks back at the drink and goes "Fuck it" then backs the double-vodka in one. The date introduces himself and they go off. She turns around to me and asks me to ring her if anything happens while she's out, and gets anodd random twitch in her eye before she goes off with the poor sod.
So they went off and after a few hours they turn back up with her barking "Yeah, goodbye now" and walking off to the office. Steve Martin hung about for a few seconds akwardly before pissing off with a bemused look on his face.
I had to question her the next day (as I was afraid to go near her that night). The date went a bit bad.
She apparently didn't speak to him all the way to the cinema; he tried talking to her a few times but she kept barking one-word answers back. Until they passed the bowling alley and he asked if she likes bowling.
"No, got banned. Throwing overarm."
They got to the cinema and she asked for all the extras, which Eco-warrior complied to buy for her. They sat at the front row of the cinema on her request (the neck breaking aisle) and proceeded to munch through her popcorn, giant coke, giant hot-dog and nanchos tray and bitch about the film completely for 2 hours. In fairness to the guy he stuck with her all the way through it (even though apparently she threatened to beat him if the film was shit) and brought her back to us safe from ending up in the cells, before eventually taking the hint and never coming back.
She still laughs about him to this day :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)