I almost got away with it.
I was chatting to the female half of a nice young professional couple who had just moved in next door. She had taken in a parcel for me and I was reclaiming it, trying to act like a normal person - chit chat and not being a complete tit, that sort of thing. I was apologising in advance for the amount of noise that our two kids make, trying to make it sound like I was joking, before the subject moved on to jobs. Her partner was a surgeon and she worked at Great Ormand Street Hospital. "Oh right", I trilled, "so you'll be used to the sound of crying children."
(Naich, Fri 17 Aug 2012, 21:00, 2 replies)

Any reasonable person would have laughed at that slice of perfection.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Sat 18 Aug 2012, 17:50, closed)

You didn't need the ground to swallow you up.
You needed the ground to raise you up on a plinth and give you a high five.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 18 Aug 2012, 18:06, closed)

Dickhead.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 18 Aug 2012, 20:08, closed)