Quaker Funeral
If you've ever been to a quaker funeral/memorial, you'll know that they all (about 100 of them) like to sit in seats in a kind of 4 - row circle, all facing each other.

This was the position we (me, my wife and my brother) found ourselves in when we went to a distant relative's memorial. We were about 2 rows back to be exact. This obviously had the makings of one of 'those' situations - especially when it was announced that there was going to be 1 hour of complete silence for everyone to sit there in quiet contemplation. During this time it was OK for anyone to stand up and say whatever came into their heads about the recently deceased.

So, the silent bit started. After about 20 minutes, much to our amusement, some mad old lady stood up suddenly, pontificated about the deceased for about a minute, and then suddenly sat down again as if nothing had happened. It was like she was on a spring or something. This was followed by various oddball characters doing the same - virtually none of who we had seen before in our lives. Then it went quiet again. We managed to hold it together thoughout.

We held it together for about 50 minutes, and just when we thought we were out of the woods, soem old guy about 2 people away started to snore. We were in trouble and we knew it. My sides felt like they were going to rip open. Then, he let out the most enormous, rippling fart I have ever heard. My brother lost it completely and started openly sniggering. It was terrible. Th whole room was looking at us.

I got away virtually unscathed though, apart from the large hole I had bitten in my bottom lip.


By the way. When I get cremated, I want the theme from countdown to play when the curtains open and my coffin goes in. Or alternatively, the Pearl and Dean tune.

ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba bada-ba
ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-baaaaaa-AA!

*curtains shut*
(8-Ball, Thu 11 May 2006, 13:24, Reply)