Fish, Funnies and Funerals
Typical of me to finally think of this one just before the question closes, but here goes...

My family is the kind that make a joke of everything if it helps avoid having any real emotions, and the tone was set for my Grandad's funeral by my Auntie and my dad having an arguement about what food to serve at the wake. The climax of this was my Auntie deciding "It should be salmon, Dad always loved a nice piece of fish." and my father retorting with "Well he doesn't bloody care! He's dead!".

Yeah, my family are odd, sorry. Anyway, me and my cousin were talking about getting the dreaded giggles. My Granny had picked some godawful Harry Secombe performed hymn, which the old boy liked, to play at the funeral and my cousin is certain she'll crack up as soon as it comes on. So we're sitting next to each other and after the vicar, who came to the damn house and got a vague outline of my Grandad's life so he could personalise the service, stood up and described someone completely bloody different, me and the cousin were already biting our lips. Suddenly he announces the hymn to be played and I hear the Goon start warbling out of some dodgy old speakers. I'm so desperate not to laugh I've got my hand thrust deep into my pocket and I'm prodding myself in the bollock to shock myself into sobriety. Something catches my eye and I look round to see my cousin hunched over, shoulders going up and down at a rate of knots, head buried in her hands.

This sends me over the edge, but I'm not too worried about that. Whereas I'm the atypical black sheep, my cousin is well respected in the family so if she can crease up then surely so can I. So half way through the hymn I just can't stop myself anymore and let out a huge laugh. I expected everyone else to turn round in shock (and I've mentally prepared myself to lecture them all at the wake that different people have different responses to grief). What I'm not expecting, however, is for my cousin's head to whip round and see the tears streaming down her cheeks and to realise that they sure as hell aren't tears of laughter.

It sounds really dim now to say it never occurred to me that she might actually be overcome with emotion and cry her eyes out. It certainly didn't occur to me that the tart would do it at exactly the same moment she prophecised that she would be laughing her arse off. I think the cow did it deliberately. Strangely I was quite unpopular at the wake. Which was fine, I stood by the buffet and nicked all the salmon.

Cheers Grandad. Still love yer.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Wed 17 May 2006, 8:45, Reply)