Done the Twelve Steps…
... and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Show me a fruit machine, and I'd be face-to-face with the thieving chunk of metal and plastic all day. Not so much a battle of wits. One of us was – at best – a half-wit. A broke half-wit, at that.

So: My worst ever bet

I was in my late teens, and went to Northern Ireland for a holiday, staying with my grandparents. I took myself into Bangor one afternoon, and with a pocketful of blunt, made straight for the amusement arcade to have a go on the fruit machines.

When I got there, I found that the local council had withdrawn the arcade's gaming licence. To get round this, they had fixed the machines so they wouldn't pay out, with big signs saying they were "For Amusement Only". That's right - you put your money in, and the only thing you could win was extra credit, which you then spent.

I must have got through at least half of my holiday spends, feeding in pound after pound, KNOWING that I was literally throwing my money at the leery camel-coated bastard who owned the place, who sat with an evil grin on his face in the change booth.

In my little gambling bubble, I glanced across at a middle-aged woman who was doing exactly the same thing. She had exactly the same look of grim despair on her face that I sported: "HELP!"

As her money ran out, she sagged like Ann Widdecombe's tits, said "Aye, there goes the rent" and left, presumably to jump into the harbour.

I left, minutes later, only to commit further crimes against my wallet: The purchase of Tenpole Tudor's current single "Wunderbar", which was, and still is, the second worst record I ever bought.

I bet you ANY MONEY that ... no, wait ...
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 7 May 2009, 13:21, 2 replies)

What was the first worse record you bought?
?
(Jugular, Fri 8 May 2009, 9:27, closed)

Nice legs - shame about the face
Novelty record, by The Monks
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 8 May 2009, 15:50, closed)