Badly tricked by my father
being a young'un and colourblind (and hayfevered) i could not tell that the flowers my Dad had brough back from the garage were pretty much on their last legs. I hated flowers, did't know they were bleeding colour as they decomposed - flowers do look like that if you can't really tell what colour they are supposed to be!!

I then used them to ask out my fixation - the amply-boobered Emma(This was the first of 4 Emma's, all which ended oddly - and apart from an 18 month Sarah(ah!) in between were consecutive).

I wandered down the road, wet look gel in place, shirt open to reveal #no# chest hair at all and flowers in hand.

I ring her bell, her Dad (ex RAF and an asshole to boot) opens the door. I ask for her and he politely gets her for a change.

I hand over flowers, and ask if she would like to go out with me. It took so much to do that reverse walk of shame that having completed it i was on cloud 9, ready and expectant.

She shrieked and screamed at what an asshole i was and the flowers were as dead as our fledgeling relationship and slams the door in my face as she binned the flowers. I was decimated.

It was then i went home, in a teary 15 year old rage to find my Dad laughing "Well she wasn't right for you, she's been twisting your head..blah blah blah"

"No - she had been letting ME twist HER Tits".

He might have been right. But, it for any-gods sake - DO NOT interfere with another mans prospects.

I never twisted those titties again.

As a reprise to this, i got a message from her on friends-reunited. Whether as a joke or not, she remembered me fondly and the marathon tongue-a-thon (and her first grinded out fully clothed orgasm - i thought i had suffocated her!) and actually said she had a wonderful start to her sexual life which has carried on with a very strong libido.

By then, i was/am happily married and about 300 miles away to boot. GRRRAAAArrrrggggggh. Dad, what have you done........................

This wakes me up with a cold sweat sometimes, as i remember her, and curse my dad in equal measure.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Tue 2 Sep 2008, 17:29, 4 replies)

Aaah, parental evil-ness
my friend's boyfriend once presented her with a bunch of flowers that prompted her to ask,

"Whose grave did you nick them off?"

His dad had supplied them as well. Maybe it's a father/son thing?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 2 Sep 2008, 17:54, closed)

2 weeks in.
My ex came up with this gem:

"Don't get me flowers as I'll only think you've done something wrong."

Scarily prescient in fairness.
(Milo Minderbinder, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 9:50, closed)

I don't do flowers no more!
my mrs loves em, and just can't have em.

Why couldn't it be more romantic to give vegetables or fruits?
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Wed 3 Sep 2008, 10:41, closed)

a nice plant or herbs makes a good gift
one that often keeps on giving.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 11:40, closed)