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This is a question The passive-aggressive guilt trip

My mother is an expert in the guilt-trip. Last week she phoned to say "Happy Birthday" and, after a 10 minute conversation, finished with, "Well, I hope you have a nicer time than I did on the day you were born."

She also stated that she was going to kill herself when she reached 65. On Christmas Day morning. Having rung up to see if there was anything she could bring for lunch.

I think it's just a mother thing, but how good are your relatives and friends at the passive-aggessive?

(, Thu 13 Oct 2005, 9:52)
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After two years at Uni I finally gave up the ghost and decided to quit - there were several things about it that didn't sit well with me.

Anyway, I told this to my mother under the impression that it would be best to do what I want in my life, rather than what her and dad had planned for.

Not so.

This was the conversation after I told her I was quitting (it wasn't helped by the fact I was undertaking a bet to speak with an australian/south african medley accent for a week):

Her (more to herself than me): Oh well, oh well, we'll have to see.
Me: Erm, have to see what?
Her: Well your father and I had planned for you to stay at Uni for another two years, I mean, we've put a lot of time and money into this.
Me: Yes I realise that, and I do appreciate it, it's just I'm not happy, so surely I should do something that makes me happy?
Her: It's only another two years though, do you not think you could just do it? And then you'd be out of there! (bear in mind I had already been at Uni for two years and was generally unhappy (with Uni itself) through most of it)
Me: No.
Her: Well, I'll have to talk with your father about it.
Me (getting exasperated): Mum, talk to him about what - I'm not going back.
Her: Yes, well, I'll talk with your father and we'll see then.
Me: No mum, I...am...not...going...back.
Her: Well that's rather selfish of you isn't it? I mean what about me and your father, our plans?
Me: To be honest mum, it's not really anything to do with you.

I soon ended up for the first time in my life hanging up on my mother after she called me a cheeky (I think that was the accent), ungrateful bastard. Sorry, I thought for a second life was about being happy rather than dancing to someone else's tune.

Of course, to try and persuade me to go back to Uni, they have left me paying my own rent over the summer since I "have a full time job now." Which I would have had over the summer if I had been going back to Uni. Saddled with debt, nearly exceeding my overdraft this didn't go down well with me. Neither did the repeated phonecalls every week telling me I should go back to Uni, had I thought it out, what about doing a three year degree, had I really thought it out and so on.

Still, I have just about managed to survive (thanks to understanding friends and a sympathetic landlord), and seeing I am not going back they (she) are feeling guilty about not paying my rent to the point she got Tesco to deliver food round to the flat the other day.
(, Sat 15 Oct 2005, 14:04, Reply)

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