I feel that I am safely surrounded by a bunch of pervs...
...so I don't mind sharing this one.

'Want to try something different?', said my ex slyly.

Yes, he was to be the coach, and I was to be his wayward footballer. He would then teach me a good hard lesson. With his penis.

Handcuffs were located, a make-shift blindfold was connocted and I rapidly jumped into any kit that looked footballerish. 'Yay, I'm getting some rough kinky sex' I said to myself, and prepared to roleplay a baaad footballer about to get a Deserving Lesson:

'And I'm going to make you my bitch!' he growled, throwing my writhing, helpless body across the bed. So far, so porntastic. In furious animalistic passion he tore off my shirt...

...tried to tear of my shirt...

They make those things pretty damn sturdy, don't they? I expect there is a special company somewhere that makes apparel specifically designed to be torn off people for porn.

Fighting giggles, I was treated to a impromptu bed-bounce as he yanked ineffectually at my shirt. Frustrated and muttering, he stood up to get a different grip...

But instead, he slipped up on the discarded shiny shorts, went straight over sideways, and landed face-first in the tropical fish tank.

I was still blindfolded, so all I got was:

'Damn this bloody thinwhoawaaaAHHRG GLUB GLUB GLUB'

One way or another, that's me doomed to hell...
(IChewCandlewax, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 14:17, 1 reply)

ssooooo wishing that
...this had happened to MY ex... heh heh heh...
(AnntichristSCoulter, Fri 23 Jul 2010, 23:43, closed)