Hmmm
Not long ago one of my flatmates died in a horrific accident heavily involving the heavy use of some rather heavy drugs, some whipped cream and a very heavy car battery, some rusty bicycle spokes and a pig machine. We needed a new flatmate and pronto. Stringent cash and time constraints decreed the immediate recruitment of a replacement. A mate of a mate's girlfriend knew 'a great guy' who was looking for a place. Perfect timing thought we and so, without any measure of social screening, 'Hollywood' duelly lowered himself into our midst looking, it must be said, as close to a potato with crap glasses as any human ever has, in the history of humanity.

Within minutes, it became blatantly apparent that the boy was a numpty. Re-arranged the fridge, labelled shelves, set up a rota for cleaning the bathroom and retuned the telly all in his first hour in the flat. Just like, totally, like totally like messing with our like, programmes? Man. He was an utter bellend, dominating every conversation with his banal platitudes in his nasal monotone, and attempting to top anyone daring enough to dare to attempt to take the spotlight from him. So what we did was me and Steve picked him up and without warning each booted him in the balls three times, hard, and told him through his sobs that if he didnae glass himself right now, the world would soon become a dangerous place for his family to live. And their mates.

You should have seen his face! Him prone on the floor in a pool of his own pish and blood, too terrified to shriek, in too much pain not to. Us standing there, telling him over and over to glass himself, giggling. How we laughed as, his eyes filled with horror, we forced him to repeatedly glass himself, Steve and me. Blood going everywhere, no teeth left in his face or anything! Ha ha, fuck that was funny.

Shouldn't laugh I suppose. But it was quite funny.
(Artimus Pie purred, unconvincingly, Sat 24 Jul 2010, 5:13, Reply)