ropey bird, paid off children!
Me and my best mate whizzed out of our tiny minds in the local pub circa '95. Ropey bird walks in (actually a mates wife), shes pissed out of her head and is locked out of her house. Now we already know she is a total spunk dump and do the honorable thing. We walk her back to her house and break in.

She also had her three kids with her who, although it was way past midnight, would not go to bed in order for the inevitable to happen to their mother.
A cunning plan was hatched by me. The kids were each paid the princely sum of one english pound to go to bed. They agreed and left their grot money on the mantlepiece.

Right, we thought as the pair of us ploughed straight into this monstrosity of a woman. I have never seen anyone so ugly and only have one head. It mattered not as we greedily helped ourselves to a tit each.

Things progressed and we took her up to her chamber. A good old fashioned spit roast ensued, even though we were momentarily interrupted by one of her kids walking in on the three of us and calling mummy a trollop. Fair enough though.

The guilty bit is still to come. On our way out I sneaked back into the front room and swiped the kids three quid so I could get some smokes from the 24 hour garage on the way home.
Any more proud and I could burst.
(SPLUFFMYPANTS, Fri 31 Aug 2007, 17:01, Reply)