Toilet nuke.
Last one (for now) I promise...

Few years ago went to Ireland to visit the, now ex, girlfriend's Mum and family.

We were staying at her Mum's, she had one of this crappy new style houses (all small and cream carpets).

Anyways, after a day of drinking anything and everything (Ireland, remember?), needed a dump, realised it was gonna be a Notorious so made the excuse of wanting a shower (the shower was part of the en suite to girlfriends mums bedroom).

Turn shower on, sit down and wait to be pleasantly relieved. No. My arse went Hiroshima on me. Literally, could feel the burn.

Eventually, gravity reasserts itself and I'm off the ceiling. Almost. The toilet has my poop. All of it. It's easily past the halfway mark to the rim.

what. the. fuck. do . I do.

I can't flush - it'll instantly overflow.

Images of girlfriend and her mother looking at me with expressions of sheer awe then being replaced by physical revulsion and pity flash through my mind. No. No that cannot happen.

I grab the toilet brush. I start pushing. Was nearly sick (you ever seen a prickly globe of shit on a stick?!). This was not working.

I grab the shower head, turn the head till I have a power-stream and attack the toilet. It starts going away! I'm ELATED.

Then I realise - the water is hot. The most awful reek you have ever smelled starts to emit (cold water, cold water, cold water!).

Eventually all is gone, I have my shower. I was so happy!

Leave the light on in the bathroom (so the extractor fan keeps going), spray a lot of deoderant and aftershave all around the place, leave the door open, open bedroom window - close bedroom door.

Life continues.

Next day, girlfriend's mum looks a little embaressed when we come downstairs for brekkie. She's had to call the plumber - she's blocked the toilet in her bathroom.

Silly besom.
(allywilson, Sat 1 Sep 2007, 12:57, Reply)