Pleather Sofa...
I still feel very very guilty about this (although obviously not enough to actually own up to anything)...

When I was around five and my brother was about three, I decided I wanted to be an artist when I grew up and spent many happy hours decorating hundreds of sheets of paper with my childish scrawls. One day, when sitting on the sofa musing about what my latest masterpiece would be, I (and I'm still not sure exactly why) started drawing on the new pleather (fake tan coloured leather) sofa. Because I was so young and also b3ta wasn't about then, I didn't decide to draw a massive magenta cock, but instead drew a lovely eagle.

About 30 seconds later it dawned on me that my parental units may be less than impressed that I'd decided to decorate their furniture for them, and desperately started to hatch plans as to how I could undo my vandalism. Firstly, I went into the kitchen and asked mum for a water, then tipped it over the sofa. Bird drawing still there. Then I went out and said I wanted a coke - tipped over sofa, lots of fizzing, but still there. I then changed round all the cushions so that the doodled one was in the corner of the room where no one sat unless we had guests. This bought me a day to think about things, but as our aunt and uncle were coming over at the weekend I knew I didn't have long. I remember lying in bed thinking it all over.

The next day I waited until my mum was preparing lunch and me and my brother were left watching Sesame Street. I got out all my 'art materials' and selected a handful of crayons and felt tip pens and snuck over to the sofa. Making sure the brother was happily singing along to a tune about the letter B I took the pens and scribbled all over the eagle, making sure the artistic merits of my picture were completely covered with the giant mess of scribble. I then left the box of pens near the brother (hoping that he may even pick them up and get ink on him) and went upstairs to play with My Little Ponies for a few minutes.

I went back downstairs, popped into the lounge to check everything was set up properly and then wandered back into the kitchen. Thinking back I'm actually quite scared at the level of deviousness I showed at such an early age, and I went up to my mum and said:

"Mummy, I don't want to get M into trouble but I think he has done a bad thing"

I still get paranoid when a DFS advert comes on TV that one day someone will start to ask questions...
( hanabanana, Mon 3 Sep 2007, 11:11, Reply)