Many years ago
in the grand old days of bulky little portable tellies, I was wooing the young maiden who would one day become my wife for a brief period. I had realised quite early on that she was fairly easy to confuse, and she seemed to believe most things I told her. Many many fine japes have been lost in the mists of time, but I remember one glorious one which was a marvel of storytelling and excellently timed.

She had left the room, perhaps on some mission of evil like witches often do, and for some reason the diabolical plan sprang instantly to my mind. I fumbled with the bulky 90's remote, which was almost the same size as the TV, and soon found the new fangled "off-timer". I set it to it's lowest level and just barely had time to hide the menu screen and set my face to "ashen" before she returned.

I then set about my tale. It was a tale so marvellously crafted in such a short time that I'm still quite proud of it. I lowered my voice and asked her if she'd heard about the strange events that had been occurring in my street. She (of course, as there were none ah ha!) said no. I again lowered my voice to almost a whisper and told her of the strange occurrences. Some malevolent entity had been passing from house to house and "interfering" with the things therein. She was by now looking quite scared and asked what I meant, so I leaned forward and took her hands in mine and replied in a barely audible voice "you know.... it's been making lights switch on, making fire alarms go off and....... switching off tellies" *PLUNK* Just as I finished saying it the TV switched off as the timer reached zero, I couldn't have hoped for better timing. The look of absolute terror on her face was sheer class, but didn't last long as I dissolved in fits of laughter after about five seconds.

She got me back though. Many years later she done me up like a kipper by pretending she'd be faithful til death do us part in a church, and promptly buggered off with someone else. The crafty little monkey!
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 19:32, Reply)