Express elevator to hell, going down!
Me and my brother have made sure one of us is heading to the firey place, by covering all bases.

Representing a real religion, my brother: we both went to a Catholic primary school (as is only right). As a result, we had to go to church, a lot. Not just the major religious holidays, but pretty much every saint's day as well (for the heathens reading, EVERY day is a saint's day). My brother really didn't like this. It was cold, boring and the seats are uncomfortable. So one autumn day, he decides to take action - he gets some dried leaves, stacks them up on a kneeler and uses a candle to set fire to the whole lot. My mum put it out with holy water before it spread though.

Covering the rest of the heathens, me: I got sent to a proddy secondary school. I was the only Catholic in the year, the Jewish, Hindu and Muslim lads got excused from R.E. I didn't. As a result, me and the Rev used to bang heads on a regular basis. This is where I get the "heathen" thing I keep saying, he actually called me a "fucking heathen" the first time I was in one of his classes. Great days.

Anyway, the Rev also doubled as a games teacher. Being a posh school, we played rugby. Occasionally, the Rev would join in (mostly as a way of being able to touch young boys - it's not just a Catholic thing, you know?). On this occasion, a maul had developed, with the Rev at the middle of it. I seized my chance to gain revenge for a couple of years of sectarian insults - I aimed a full-on, beind-it-like-Beckham kick at his face, thinking my 13 year old foot wouldn't do much harm. While the Rev was in hospital, having a metal plate inserted into his shattered cheek, I claimed I was aiming for the ball. They believed me too.
(ScousersPet, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 10:17, 1 reply)

Hang on...
You didn't go to Merchant Taylors did you?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 16:15, closed)