Bullying a 5 year old
Me nephew Fin has been mentioned on these boards before (damn kid said I should shave my goatie because I apparently look gay the little fucker) and even though he's 5 he has still managed to rack up more time in hospital than I ever have. He was born with a weird ingrowing cock disorder where he needed extensive plastic surgery to his cock at the age of 1-3. After many ops, he's still not quite 100% but he now doesn't require to carry a piss-sack like a handbag around with him which is a plus. His eyesight is very very poor due to a mis-diagnosis by a doc ("Oh I'm sure it's nothing, here's some Retinol") and with his glasses on he looks like Harry Potter.
Still, after all of this he's a nasty little fecker and is a regular to dish out abuse to everyone, to me included.
I went to hospital this evening for a checkup; I'm currently the proud owner of a "Pilonial Sinus" which needs to be operated on. This lovely gift of God is a painful little fuck of an infection, situated on the edge of me arse-crack. Thanks God. As I told the doc, "Can I tell them in work that I just broke me leg instead? Sounds more manly." Anyhows, I get back from the consultation (the results of which are that I am being booked in for an operation, yeys) and I go to pick me daughter up from Fin's house. He's sitting there and he's overheard his parents talking about where I was going.
"Is it true that you are having an op?" asks Fin.
"Yes Fin."
"Where? Is it on your bum?" he grins.
"Yes, they just checked me out to make sure now Fin" says I.
"Have they just looked at your big rosey cheeks?" says Fin. Grins all round. The little fucker. My turn now.
"Yes, yes they did. But hey, you're the expert on operations mate, you had your willy sewn back on."
"No, they fixed it."
"What do you mean? Can't you remember when you were a baby, they had to cut it off the side of your head and sew it back on to the right place."
"What?" says Fin, taking this quite seriously.
"Yeah, you had a rare defect where your willy grew out beside your ear and the docs had to cut it off as you couldn't pee through it there."
"Why?" He's taking mental notes of this now.
"Well your bladder which is where your pee is made connects to down there," *quick crotch motion* "so the docs had to put it back there otherwise the pee couldn't get out. The skin which was covering it was cut off and grafted by your ear to make it look normal again."
"Cool." Oh dear, he's believed me.
With that, he walks out of the room to have a chat to his mum about it (who was out in the kitchen doing something womanly most probs). I could hear him asking about a cock being cut off his head and his mum asking what the fuck he's talking about. God if he mentions it in school he's going to be beaten. Some more.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 0:35, 9 replies)

Aside:
Something along the lines of: You poor bastard.
I myself enjoyed a pilonidal sinus about 5 years back. Lovely.
I think I've spoken about it on QOTW before.
Some fucker of a friend told my boss I had an "anal abcess". Victory was mine: he split his arsehole a few years later.
Anyhoo - just to keep your spirits up, but if you get one once then you're likely prone to them forever more.
I pretty much avoid sit ups at all costs.
Chin chin. I hope your scar isn't as knobbly as mine :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 1:11, closed)

Yey
I like the way in which it randomly bleeds and I have to stick a gauze on it; it's what I call a Man Period. I funnily enough get all grouchy too and just want a cuddle.

But in retrospect it doesn't bleed for 5 days solid and I can't throw cars like our women counterparts can.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 4:48, closed)

Reserve me a seat next to you,
I pissed myself laughing all the way through that :D *click*
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 1:44, closed)

All the best.
I’ve also enjoyed the pain and discomfort that is a sinus.

Mine was a bit special though, having been crippled by chronic back pain for years, I assumed that was what it was. Then I got a temperature. And then my temperature got worse. Then I started to hallucinate. Then the doctor was called.

He examined me, knew exactly what the problem was (blood poisoning) and took some decisive action.

He lanced the fucker there and then. On my bed. The smell was awful.

He then put me in an ambulance. (Well, he didn’t the paramedics did).

Then I stayed in hospital for a week, having various drips attached to my arm.

Then there was a few weeks of having the dressing changed.

Fast-forward a couple of years and I’m booked in for the op to clear the channels this sinus creates.

That was about 5 years ago – and I’ve not been bothered with one since.

Good luck
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 9:31, closed)

fuck, owwwww
I'm glad mine has been spotted well earlier than this...I'm lucky in one respect. I've also been suffering from something called "Dermatographic Urtercaria", a skin allergy disorder which makes me come out in hives (white lines or lumps) just under my skin. This initially burnt like hell and affected me all over; if I dragged a fingernail across my arm I could draw a white line there which would last for 1 hour. I became agitated to hell and was on anti-histamines for ages until I literally got used to the pain of it.

Now I can write the word "CUNTY" on my forearm and after about 10-15 mins it disappears; I'm a human Etch-A-Sketch, a new breed of Superhero.

Basically this sinus hurt a bit but I just completely ignored it for a few months just because it was non-essential pain and it didn't really bother me. Until it burst when I used the toilet in work and left me covered in a patch of blood. Yey, disgusting :D Went to the docs the same day and they found it.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 11:19, closed)

Christ, I'm so lucky looking back on it....
I think I may have had one of these Sinus things when I was about 15. Just at the top of your crack, feels a bit like a blister (until it bursts and greenish gunk and blood leaks everywhere) which then scabs over, then falls off... wash rinse repeat?

I had that for about a year and ignored it completely (It was annoying rather than painful) as I was 15 and there was something wrong with my arse... i wasn't letting that slip to ANYONE!

Seems to have cleared up now though, just a little bit of scar tissue and it hasn’t bothered me for about 3-4 years....

I'm still scared though
(The_Mighty_Spleen, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 13:32, closed)

hmmm
Well I got mine at about 16/17. A few cases of sharp pain and I felt a lump getting bigger over me coxix. Got all tender and very painful to be touched and one day after a shower it started doing bleeding.
Doc gave me antibiotics and it went down. Came up again, and me mother used to help get the crap out of it (OH THE SHAME) having got quite adept at squeezing my stepfather's carbuncle things. Lovely house.
Up down up down and eventually they sent me for surgery.
That's it, apart from the scar. But I think I have another on the way :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:31, closed)

Nice one!
*clicks*
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:33, closed)

First rate...

*Clicks hard*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 12:47, closed)