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This is a question Home Science

Have you split the atom in your kitchen? Made your own fireworks? Fired a bacon rocket through your window?
We love home science experiments - tell us about your best, preferably with instructions.

Extra points for lost eyebrows / nasal hair / limbs

(, Thu 9 Aug 2012, 17:25)
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Time to shoehorn this one in....
As I think this must be someones own home science project

A few weeks ago I was cycling home from work through one of the more rough-and-ready- parts of the village I live in (where all blokes read the Sun/Daily Sport believing every word and women all aspire to appear on Jeremy Kyle). In an effort to make it look like they aren’t spending all the public’s tax money on expenses the local council have spent the last few months rebuilding the front walls of most of the houses, complete with metal gate and matching metal fence. I was sat at the traffic lights* when I heard the following exchange between two blokes (Neil and Dave) about Daves new garden improvement, a wooden fence added to the top of this wall built by the council that made the view into the garden impossible to anyone under 5 foot 5**:

Neil: Hey Dave, whats with the wooden fencing? Looking for a bit more privacy, because if you are that isnt going to work its too small?

Dave: No mate, we use the back garden mostly, this stuff is to keep the pedophiles out.

(Mon thinks WTF, did he just say what I think he said)

(Neil runs his hand over the cheap plywood/ bamboo type surface and nods)

Neil: Good thinking Dave, good to see you used the right paint for it too

Dave: You have to use this stuff, I made it thicker than recommended though cause the wife hated the first coat and the thicker it is the better it works against pedophiles

Neil: Haven’t your kids moved out?

Dave:Yeah but it’s always best to be safe, you never know, the grandkids could come up and they could be gone like that (snaps fingers)……. dirty buggers those Pedo’s

Neil: Yeah dirty buggers…..

Thankfully the lights changed so I had to leave before I burst out laughing and was beaten up by two dolescum blokes and their specialised fencing.

Now what the hell? Has this bloke built this special defense mechanism himself or does B & Q have a specialized section containing repellant for slugs, vermin and sexual deviants?

*Im not one of those twattish cyclists that jumps lights via the pavement

** Translated from local Barnsley dialect so all can understand
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 10:35, 5 replies)
Certainly earned a click here
Mainly for not mounting the pavement to jump the lights :-)

I do often wish I could stop people and interrogate them as to what they are possibly thinking though. Perv-proof fencing?
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 11:15, closed)
Yeah anti-climb paint innit?
I first discovered it shimmying up a lamp-post in my early 20s. Thankfully it was towards the end of the evening.
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 11:41, closed)
Not too sure on that anti-climb paint is a black tarry looking thing isnt it?

This stuff just looked like the generic brown paint and looked dry (Still does now on my daily commute past it)
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 12:18, closed)
Yes - I think that's the idea - that it looks "dry", but isn't.
I would imagine you can get it in different colours.
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 12:35, closed)
I'm going to take your word for it
because if I even tried to test it by touching the fence or climb it the local dole living nutcases would try and burn me at the stake for being a filthy Peado trying to get at Dave's grandkids
(, Wed 15 Aug 2012, 13:02, closed)

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