One warm summers night a few years ago...
I'd been out for a meal then drinks with some friends who'd eventually faded out as the night progressed so off I went looking for adventure, or a shag, or both.

I arrived uninvited and completely pissed at a party hosted by an acquaintance (lets call him Steve), who admittedly I barely knew or associated with, (Even less so now) with the intention of spreading the love and getting hammered.

Steve is a dealer, a bit of a nutter, a fucking psycho actually. Years of abusing his brain with all manner of substances have taken a heavy toll on him. Not so long ago we had an armed response unit backed up by a helicopter searching for him after an altercation with one of his equally dangerous pals. I don't know how he got away with that one, but that is the nature of Steve. He's a proper sly cunt.

So, at this party, after a quite few drinks and some chat, I was feeling a little worse for wear. I made my way to the bathroom to "call Hugh on the big white telephone" except, for some reason I walked straight past the toilet and puked in the sink.

As I gathered my senses and what little dignity I had left the full gravity of the situation struck me. Do I abscond and risk being killed or maimed later, or do I come clean?

Steve isn't known for being house proud, nor is he known for his gentle and forgiving demeanour. I thought he'd probably object to some unknown party crasher messing up his bathroom sink.

Looking in the sink, this was no ordinary vomit. It wasn't the type you could simply rinse away, it was full of HUGE chunks and other bits of food, and it STANK. To make matters worse, a queue was forming outside. I had to think fast.

I cupped my hands together and started shovelling the vile mess into the toilet, then rinsed the sink out as best I could and washed my hands. That was the best I could manage in my inebriated state, it would have to do.

As I exited the bathroom I noticed Steve's two girlfriends (yes two!) were first in line. They went in together, no doubt to powder their collective nose.
Moments later I could hear screams of horror coming from the bathroom direction, followed by retching and that familiar splattering sound. Time to leave!
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 19:59, Reply)