Uuuhhhh...
...where to start?

This mate of mine, I'll call him "Deft," is clearly suited to this QOTW. In fact, if there was a global shortlist for this sort of thing, he'd be on it. Sort of like the Forbes list, but less dolla and more holla.

Deft stayed over a lot when he didn't have a home. Not just at mine, but I think I may have been one of the most relaxed hosts. So at mine quite a bit.

He is a top bloke, but he can be quite irritating. He is loud and unclean, and he creates mess everywhere. Little bits of food scattered everywhere, unidentifiable stains on the sofa in the living room where he slept, and the smell... unwashed I suppose one might politely call it.

There are some funnies though.

After my flatmates had decided that he had overstayed his welcome, they ordered him out. (Same happened to me not long after, but I'm saving that one for a QOTW about the biggest c**ts ever) Kindhearted/foolish me, I suggested that he come over after the flatsh*ts had gone to bed and sleep on the floor in my room. A couple of days was enough - apparently I snore but I was glad that I wouldn't have to put up with the smell any longer. Instead he took to sleeping in the bath. We had two bathrooms in our flat and he'd take a rug and lie in the bath. The others would get up, find one bog occupied and just go to the other. He would emerge after they had left for work, and so it progressed. It was about a fortnight until he was busted. Next to the bathroom he occupied was one of the c(*nt)haps rooms. One night I hear shouting, angry shouting, and it is Deft. WTF? I think. I listen in, and it seemed that he had become sick and tired of lying in the bath listening to this guy and his inflatable going at it, and had burst into this guys room, bollock naked, to protest. Needless to say, the jig was up. The bathroom was free after that though.

Anyway, several times recently he has called me up and asked if he could bring his washing to my place. I figured that it couldn't hurt. as he lived in a squat and had no washing machine. But he became more and more plaintive each time I tried to say no. So this time I refused and the whole story came out. Somewhere along the way he had contracted some form of lice/crabs/scabies stuff, and in his allergic paroxysms he had manned up enough to force his contagious self on other people (generally me). I had wondered why I had started itching so much...

The line he gave me to try to persuade me to be his host was priceless. "I performed naked aerobics with two girls on a mattress in a squat and contacted a skin disease. I then went on to bed half the women in the bar I work and they all have what I have. Now everyone thinks I am a dirty f***er and my girlfriend has dumped me and I can't have sex because everyone who knows me has told everyone else that anytime you touch Deft you are likely to catch it! Please help me, I need to wash my clothes at 90c and quarantine myself, naked except for the anti-itch cream, in your spare bedroom - I can't have sex and it is killing me, please, you gotta help me!!!"

Still not sure what to say, except a polite "I don't think so..."
(IdlePeAcEsign if trouble were my mistress, i'd send her to them, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 22:09, 3 replies)

look at it like this
he knew he was infectious, yet he came to your house and didn't tell you you could catch it. he slept with any woman he could, but didn't tell them they could catch it. the only time he owned up was when there was a slim chance that telling the truth could get him the help he wanted and should have sought long before. he clearly doesn't care about the health and wellbeing of others if this episode is anything to go by, so if i was you, i'd tell him to fuck right off.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 23:51, closed)

^This x 10
(SpongeGavShitPants, Sat 8 Jan 2011, 18:09, closed)

are there no launderettes where you live?
Not that I'd want to use that machine after him


I also agree with SmashMonkeys's reply. Might be a mate but he sounds like a scab.
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 21:12, closed)