Onion sunburn solution
One housemate, James, who was decidedly up his own arse, pinched my sunlamp without asking one day (I had it to sort out a bit of eczema).

Now, he knew that I only used it for 5 to 10 minutes under medical instruction, but clearly I was a wimp and he should be totally fine for 30 to 45 minutes.

He burst into my room, screaming "Look at my fucking face! Fucking look at it!" and I pissed myself laughing at the red-and-white panda in front of me. He wasn't badly burnt, just comedy burnt.

However, James was pretty vain, and certainly didn't want to be seen like this and was all ears for ANY solution to his predicament.

"Err... lemon might help?" I ventured. "You know, like you put in your hair in the summer?"

"Yeah, that's right" pipes up my other housemate. "And onion's pretty good for it as well"

We share a look, and try not to snigger.

"Do you think both at once will be ok?" says James.

We both nod in the affirmative, and spend the next 30 minutes trying to keep a straight face whilst James mashes chopped-up lemon and onion in to his face, going "I think it's working boys, I think it's working".

Well, of course it fucking didn't, and in his vanity he wouldn't admit to his own screw-up to anyone else, and told his braying cock-about-town buddies that I'd done it to him by throwing lumps of radium and americium at him during our physics practicals, giving him radiation burns; which explained why they all shot me filthy looks for the next few days.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 20:46, 2 replies)

Now
that is fucking hillarious!

Nice one!

Have a click!
( SpankyHanky, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 1:25, closed)

Well, I usually wet myself reading your stories
so glad I could return the favour ;-)
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Sat 28 Feb 2009, 10:38, closed)