Never live with vampires (or stoners), they won't share the food bills.
A few years before I met my current housemate/boyfriend-until-the-scrooge-buys-me-a-ring (Mr. PLP), I lived with a couple of stoners. One of them was definitely worth a mention.
A few of the choice things he did/said.
* Told us he was a vampire. Except he was a higher order of vampire - a Vampyre (pronounced, according to the stupid tard, as vam-peer).
* Told us he needn't buy food as he can live off sausage blood. Demonstrated this to us by drinking the foul liquid out of the bottom of a bag of beef sausages.
* Made his own home-made milkshake containing milk and raspberry cordial. Do you known what happens when you mix milk with something containing so much food acid? Try it and see! (spoiler below*)
* Made his own cordial by pouring hot water into an almost empty jar of strawberry jam. Result? Pretty much what you'd expect, hot, watery jam.
* Decided he'd help with some cleaning. Washed the wallpaper with hot, soapy water.
* Refused to admit he'd caused the wallpaper to peel off the walls in hot, soggy strips.
* He'd use hair-remover cream to get rid of his nasty back hair and leave the cream/back hair combo all over the sink.
* On the rare occasion when he did buy food it consisted of: one 20kg bag of rice, two packets of frozen mixed vegetables, twelve eggs and a roll of lunch meat. Just in case anyone out there is writing a book on Vampyre lore, let me share this with you: Vampyres just LOVE fried rice. It's pretty much all they eat.

What did I learn from the 12 months I endured in that house? NEVER live with Vampyres, they're filthy bastards.

*It curdles the milk resulting in a rancid pink, lumpy mess.
(pokey_little_puppy Future Supreme Ruler of the Universe, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 9:00, Reply)