"The Sodomiser - Dial 0800 000 000WWWWW"
At university I made best friends with a bloke off my course called Paul, he was great, we had the same taste in music, the same sense of humour and he had a sexy girlfriend back home who was lovely and would visit often.

After the second year I moved into his student house at which point he promptly turned gay. This was a problem because I had the downstairs bedroom beneath his room, and I could hear everything. Everything.

He would have loud thumping bum-sex with his horrible slimey new boyfriend, and from what I could gather from his "ow ow OWWW's", Paul was the taker. I would lie in bed, curled in the foetal position with my fingers in my ears, waiting for the horror to end.

I really wanted to stay friends with Paul, but I ended up sleeping round my girlfriends flat most nights to avoid the nightly sounds of two men making sweet-sweet love to each other, and it's hard to look a mate in the eye when you know that he "Doesn't like to suck it when it's covered in shit".
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 14:58, Reply)