Apparently I'm a sex offenderI was once paid £15 to count the amount of people visiting a hairdresser. I stood outside for 3 hours with a clicky counter in my pocket, pressing it every time a person entered. Suddenly there's a copper in front of me, I turn and there's another behind. "What are you up to sunshine?" "A rival hairdresser wants to count the competition" "Well, there's been a call from the shop owner that there's a ginger bloke standing outside fiddling with his cock." Have you ever done anything that made strangers think you were a pervert?
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rob, Thu 17 Aug 2006, 22:20)
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Made another girl look like a sex offenderWhen I was in Year 4 at school (age 8/9) my mum decided now would be the time to teach me how to use a condom (Yes my mother is a feminist and views sexual knowledge as the first step to emancipation, guess she was trying to give me a head start. A year later she would take it upon herself to lecture me on the harmlessness of masturbation. "It's okay, as long as you wash your hands afterwards") Anyway, she took one out of my dad's bedside cabinet, showed me how to put it on a banana and told me how important they were. Fine.
There was a girl at school I didn't like. You know the type. Tall, thin, blonde, looked like a perfect angel, had all the teachers wrapped round her little finger, would have been head cheerleader if we'd had a cheerleading team. In short, she was an uber-bitch who made making my life hell her purpose in life. She would tell people not to be friends with me. She used to bring in sweets, share them with everyone and then pointedly tell me I couldn't have one. She once told me I was so ugly nobody would ever want to have sex with me. She had it coming to her...
So after being shown this nasty, slimy contraceptive by my mother I decided the perfect recipe for nine-year-old revenge would involve stealing another one from my dad's drawer, taking it to school and planting it in the blonde bitch's bag so that everyone would think she was a total slut.
Everything went perfectly to plan. I placed it sticking out of her bag slightly, told the biggest gossip in the school and waited. Since my friend and I were the first people to have seen it, we were grilled by the headmaster for ages about what sort of sick individual might place such an object in a sweet innocent girl's bag, hehehehe...
Anyway, I didn't get caught but her parents did get an interesting visit from a social worker.
Unfortuantely, when my dad noticed that the condom was missing (which I never dreamed would happen since my parents hated each other and hadn't slept together for years) he accused my mother of having an affair and threatened to kill us all. I still didn't confess. I am evil.
(, Fri 18 Aug 2006, 12:20, Reply)
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