None of these are about me. No.
My grandad used to be a governor for the primary school near where he lives. The kids there know him and think he's a nice old man. (He's actually the melding of the DNA of Father Jack, Victor Meldrew, Alf Garnett, and the grumpy old git from the cartoon in the Mail, but they don't know that). He thinks it's perfectly normal to go to fetes and so on up there and take photos of the kids bouncing on bouncy castles and throwing coconuts and doing kid stuff. We're just waiting for the news some copper's arrested him for taking photos of random children.

My A-level German teacher may well have been a sex offender. Among the many freaky things he did were to get some poetry fridge magnet things and spell out 'penetrate hot blonde' (there was a blonde girl in the room, but the only person who honestly thought she was hot was her... the rest of us thought she was slightly inbred-looking). He gave out addresses of German grot sites to get round the porn blocker, told us in disgusting detail about his sex life with his 'Somalian wife', and that he wore a skirt at weekends - apparently a Somalian thing that took a knack to do up 'because it keeps falling down and then everyone sees my pants when I am wrestling with my daughter'. Who was four. His name was also Ingolf, which just sounds like it means 'pervy man who hides in bushes'.

EDIT: Gah. Forgot this one. It's also worth mentioning that as well as his other weirdnesses, Stalker Boy is very fond of granny porn.
( Maladicta, Sun 20 Aug 2006, 18:01, Reply)