Scottish neds
In Dunfermline bus station waiting room one Saturday morning, there were a crowd of young sengas (female chavs) who were probably about 15, who were discussing how overjoyed and love-stricken they were with the burberry clad apes who had marked them as their territory.
One of them loudly and excitedly bragged in a doe-eyed fashion to her mates (and the rest of the waiting room), about the guy who had sent her a text message formally expressing his interest in her at 4am.
They all gushed in unison about how romantic it was to receive such a passionate confirmation of love after she read out (Imagine this in typical Scottish ned drawl): "Dear Shelly. Ah waaant tae shag ye, an' lick yur fanny . . . . . text back?"

No amount of fake coughing could stifle my laughter.
(Barry Subchimp, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 20:32, Reply)