commodes
As a result of a brain tumour, I have become partially disabled and cannot walk. This means that to use the toilet I have to get onto a commode and be wheeled over it.To do this, you transfer between your bed or wheel chair using what is known as a ‘Banana Board’ which is a boomerang shaped piece of ply board One end is pushed under your bum cheek and the other end is rested on the thing to which you are transferring. To make the transfer you shift your weight forward over your knees until you are partially standing move your body in the direction you want to go then sit back on the board again Most of the time this works OK, but occasionally you get problems. Problem 1 happens when the person inserting the board under you misjudges the position of your bollocks and tries to slice them off. Problem 2 happens when you sit down after moving along the board and slip back onto the front edge of the board crushing your nuts. Problem 3 happens when you are getting off the commode, As you are trying to move along it, the board slips squeezing your nads between the edge of the board and the edge of the hole in the commode. This one is the worst because of the time it takes to free yourself. Did this today with the help of Mrs Arsenic. My take on this is that although I’ve had them disconnected, I do want them to remain attached!
(Dr Arsenic Making bad coffee since 1978, Sat 9 Mar 2013, 10:24, 1 reply)

Problem number 3 reminds me of an activity on the menu at Betsy's House Of Fun.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 9 Mar 2013, 13:35, closed)