Yapping to the office-oldie the other week
and we were talking about cooking chilli. He piped up that the last time he cooked chilli he rubbed one of his eyes and inadvertently nearly burnt the eyeball out of his skull, washing his eye for about 4 hours afterwards.

"See, you should've used milk to wash it mate, great for neutralizing chilli burns" says I, then I decided to wind him up a bit.
"Yeah, it happened to a mate once, little bit more serious but quite similar. He was chopping up chilli for this curry he was cooking for the wife and after swiping them into the wok he needed a leak. So he struts upstairs to the bathroom, has his piss then as he's finishing he realized that the chilli on his hands started to burn his cock like mental."
"What did he do?" says a concerned oldie.
"Well as I said, most people know that milk is best for this, as did he, so he legged it down to the kitchen as quick as he could, straight to the fridge, grabs a pint of semi-skimmed and fills up a glass. Once done he drops his pants and his lad takes a dive into the milk to simmer down. Well his missus who was there too looks in the kitchen to see what the problem was and spies him with his salami in the cream. She was a bit thick though, so do you know what she said?"
"Dunno?"
"I always wondered how you refill those things."
Funnily enough he still believes half the shit I come out with somehow.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 11 Mar 2013, 13:37, 1 reply)

I read that joke in a student rag mag in 1992.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Mar 2013, 12:17, closed)