The winner of the funniests.
When Arnold Chegwin was a young man, he decided that he wanted to be a pub.
He loved the pub after spending time in his local, "The Queen's Arms". 'I'd love to be a pub', he would think.
With a roaring fire and everybody inside me laughing away...

As time passed and he grew older, he settled on running a pub rather than actually being one.
He purchased "The Painted Duck", in Chelmsford and very well he ran it too, with his loyal wife Cathy. Eventually, Cathy would bare him, three beautiful children. Joyce, Janice and Roy. Janice sadly drowned in a pond swimming at eleven and Joyce moved to New Zealand with a man called Taylor, which left Roy to run the pub, as he entered his teens and Arnold could no longer perform the tasks needed.
Roy didn't much like the pub, he thought it was too loud, too smoky and too much like hard work. However, after time, and with little skills to find other work, he did eventually take to it and took over the pub from his father. Roy had a reputation as a miserable landlord, but his wife Alice was good fun if somewhat a lush. Roy and Alice had only one son. Keith was a quiet boy, a bit slow for his age, but kind and with a cheeky face, that he kept on his head.
Keith and his grandfather were very close.
One day Arnold Chegwin heard a story he was all too familiar with, young Keith sat on his lap on the sofa in the snug at the pub he had once run and said 'grandad, when I grow up, I want to be a pub!' Arnold smiled at Keith, 'I want to be a big happy pub and have people smiling and shouting and laughing inside me' Keith sang. Small tears formed in Arnold's blue eyes and he hugged his beautiful grandson.
'Now Keith you must listen to me, when you grow up, you'll inherit this pub from your daddy, you can run this pub and be in here all the time, but I'm afraid you can never actually BE a pub my lad'
Keith looked a little upset then queried 'why grandad? Why can I not be a pub?'
'... because Cheggers can't be boozers!' he shouted into the terrified lad's face.
(jindodsdadsdogsdead I am not stusut79, Mon 3 Sep 2018, 13:36, Reply)