Empire Biscuits (oh god)
One of our café ladies used to be an actress. You can tell. She looks a bit like a darker version of Ruby Wax but she makes Ruby Wax look like Sister Wendy in a coma. She’s great entertainment and I love being on duty with her because she always comes out with such utterly outrageous things. The other day she spent ten minutes telling me how she’d caught a throat infection because her husband insisted on “spending all day Friday with his tongue wrapped around my epiglottis, darling”. Last week a customer asked for a couple of “those biscuits, over there, I can’t remember what they’re called”. Well, they were empire biscuits, which are flat shortbread biscuity things with a blob of icing on top and some sort of jelly sweet. So Ruby, ever value for money, glanced over and bellowed “Oh, he wants a couple of nipple biscuits! happylittletulip! Pass me some of those nipple biscuits would you?” and then when we had all stopped shrieking and rolling about on the floor, said “I always call them that, well they look like nipples don’t they, or tits, so I suppose you could call them tit biscuits as well, I don’t see why you're all making such a fuss...”

We haven't ordered any more since.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 16:06, 2 replies)

Can you make
some nipple biscuits instead of cake? I think they might go down quite well. In fact, they'd be so good, they'd take some licking.

/innuendo
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 16:17, closed)

well...
I would have to cream the mixture before baking it but I might let you lick my spoons afterwards
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)