Not me but...
A mate of mine who has habit of getting back pissed on a night out and then ringing up his wife for some phone sex. I've been aural witness to this on one occasion and to be honest I just covered my ears and hummed Rule Britannia.

Anyway this tale relates to a skiing holiday where one of the party who was sharing a room with my mate was a newbie skier. After a night out on the tiles my mate and this other guy where in their room when matey boy goes off to the bathroom to ring his missus. Now he is partial to giving back door action (as she so sweetly puts it) and it all got a bit noisy, yes my mate was saying rather loudly "Oh yes, I'm in you now, let me ram it in you" and other phrases designed to bring himself off with his wife at the other end. The neighbouring room starting banging the wall but my mate carried on "Yes I'm right in your ass now, you know you love it" etc etc.

Anyway cue coming down to breakfast the following day and my mate is sat down next to the people in the room next to him who are already giving him weird looks. Down comes the novice skier room mate who is black and blue from his first days skiing. The neighbouring table left almost in unison as the breakfast room rang with the classic line "Oh mate my arse hurts like hell after yesterday"
(Outtheresomewhere, Tue 17 Jun 2008, 14:41, Reply)