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This is a question Accidental innuendo

Freddy Woo writes, "A woman I used to work with once walked into a car workshop to get her windscreen replaced, and uttered the immortal line, "Have you seen the size of my crack?"

What innuendos have you accidentally walked into? Are you a 1970s Carry On film character?
Extra points for the inappropriateness of the context

(, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 12:05)
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Push it up, you muscular beast, all the way!
Since I was about 14 or so, with varying levels of commitment, I've lifted weights.

For a couple of years, back in the late 90s, my best pal, N, got into it as well. He bought a decent weights bench and an impressive collection of equipment, and set it all up in his bedroom at his parents house.

We started working out together over at his place. It's always better to train with someone else who can motivate you, 'spot' you and so on.

This one day, a Friday afternoon, we decided to go quite heavy so we'd feel all buffed and manly when we went to the pub later. We stuck to the basic, 'big' exercises like Shoulder Press, Bench Press Squatting (fnaar) etc.

This was a bench press day and we'd been doing well recently so, after some lighter, warm-up sets, we loaded up the bar with a total of 130kg. Quite formidable pressing for two actually rather nerdish fellas with limited social skills.

We was going for five repititions (presses) each per turn. Two was comfortable, four an effort and five was a real screamer. We would shout abuse/encouragement at each other as we lifted. Pretty standard practice.

This was a warm day, the windows were open and I was shouting extra loud as N. had decided to try for a sixth rep. Just as the barbell had landed back in its hold on the bench, N's bedroom door exploded open, his mum standing there with a slightly crazed look on her face.

N's hands were still on the bar, the ends sagged with the weight it held, I stood at the back having guided his last rep back safely. She took this in and then her features sofetened considerably... She spoke:

"Oh, you were very loud, I was talking to Sandra next door in the front garden... we could hear you... It sounded like you was... Erm. Nothing. Dinner will be in an hour."

Briefly confused it then occured to us that his mum had been outside having a pleasant surburban chat with her counterpart next door, probably about the weather and National Trust days out, when she would've misinterpreted my shouts of encouragement to her son:


Yes, my friends mother had assumed that her muscular, vest wearing son and his friend had decided to become rampant bumsexualists and broadcast their sweaty love to the neighbourhood.

Later, after the pub, I fucked him in the arse.*

Length? Six foot with 65 kilos on each end. Beat that.

*Not really.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 14:16, 2 replies)
She must have been relieved to discover that, instead of engaging in some kind of disgusting homo-erotic act, you were in fact merely watching your ripped, sweating teenage friend as he pushed his body to the limit for your mutual pleasure and excitement*

*I go to the gym with a spotting partner too
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 13:30, closed)
I think she was hoping to join in.
(, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 14:08, closed)

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