Cars that tell you when to change gear
I've recently been driving a lot of hire cars, most of which have unfortunately been Vauxhalls.

Of all their many many failings, the one that irks me most is the little light that comes on the dashboard with an arrow saying SHIFT if you linger longer in a gear than the car would like you to.

"Fuck you!" I want to shout at it "If I want to stay in third gear then I will do so, don't pretend that you know my reasons or how I should be driving"

I fucking hate it. Stupid shit Vauxhalls. Although I am told that it's not just Vauxhalls that have it now either.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:39, 24 replies)

Modern cars are a total pain in the arse all over.
My Audi flashes an "OK" on the screen, which is supposed to tell you that there're no problems with the car. Which would be fine, except I've been having engine problems for eighteen months that no garage has managed to track down because all they do IS PLUG IN THEIR LAPTOPS AND CHANGE SENSORS WHEN THEY SHOULD BE DOING ACTUAL MECHANICAL DIAGNOSTICS GRRAAHAHAAA.

Apologies. I cured most of my engine problems yesterday when, after looking around under the bonnet, I found a whole bunch of jubilee clips were loose on the breathing hoses. Fucking monkey "mechanic" cunts didn't even fucking look to see if the air leaks were being caused by loose fucking pipes that I fixed in ten minutes with a screwdriver.

No, they charged me 100 pounds for a new mass air flow meter, then 70 pounds for a new breather valve, then tried to claim my ECU was fucked, then charged me 80 pounds for a new diverter valve.

Apparently, none of which I needed.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:44, closed)

I realise very few people on here are car types
and therefore few people will care.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:45, closed)

fortunately my mechanic is a top bloke
but the ABS on my car is fucked to the point where it is undriveable, so I've taken the fuse out of it. I suspect it needs a new ECU or at least ABS controller, having eliminated pretty much everything else, and the car just isn't worth enough to sort that out.

I'm going to keep it going until November, sell it to some mug and by a VW T5 van.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:48, closed)

Deffo get a transporter mate.
One of the best vehicles I've ever owned. 180k on the clock and still as tight as tight can be.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:50, closed)

They are great vehicles
I know a lot of people with nice T4s. An acquaintance designs and makes high-quality insulated linings for them as well, if I want something nicer than ply-lined. The plan is to put a big comfy bed in it, a bit of storage and somewhere to sling my surfboards.

I can't wait!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:53, closed)

I insulated side panels of mine with carefully applied squirty foam.
Did the roof with some spare tri-iso super 10.
Cozy as fuck and the foam has made it a lot less vibratey and a load quieter en-route.
Did thousands of miles in it across Europe last summer running on straight veg oil.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 18:01, closed)

Have you considered whipping an ABS controller off a scrapper?
It won't be the ECU. Had you not already said you'd eliminated everything else, I'd have said "sensor".
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:54, closed)

sensor was first thought
but they have been changed, the rotor things that work with the sensors have also been examined.

I have considered it, particularly seeing as it is probably the same unit on a Leon, a Golf, a Bora etc.

I have zero experience with getting parts from places like that though. How does one go about it?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:58, closed)

These days you go into the shed, tell the guy what you want
and they either go and get it for you or bring a suitable vehicle over for you to get the part off. The days of wandering around piles of old cars are, sadly, long gone.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:59, closed)

I'll have to find out where one is
then find out what the part looks like and how to remove it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:03, closed)

It's worth a go, the actual part will probably only cost you £20 at most from a scrappy.
You might also try online parts centres like GSF.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:09, closed)

my mechanic mate works for GSF
which is convenient
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:20, closed)

The door
is ajar.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:47, closed)

how cryptic...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:48, closed)

SIX HOURS we spent thinking about that one!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:52, closed)

A big one and a little one!
Put him in the jar!!!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:51, closed)

"It's OK, Mr Policeman - we'll send a little fireman to get you out!"
"Sir, would you get up off the floor, please?"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:52, closed)

It means move house.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 12:49, closed)

Never had this on a car (I always get old sheds of cars, much more fun), but that aside, yeah, I agree with you. Stuff that tells you what to do and when to do it pisses me off. Its that smug "I know better than you" attitude.. bad enough from another person, but from a machine? Not looking forward to "intelligent" marital aids - would totally ruin the moment... "Looks like you're about to have an orgasm, would you like some help?"
(Freakmandu, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 13:00, closed)

This is one reason why I will never buy a modern Audi/BMW/Mercedes
I don't want to spend ages staring at little computer screens decided how I would like the suspension set up or how warm I want my seat to be etc etc - I just want to get in and drive the thing.
(FirstBendBunching All four back please..., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:02, closed)

I'd prefer that
to having to drive another fucking Vauxhall

I've got a Meriva this week. It is a colossal piece of shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 15:28, closed)

Work rentals are mostly Vauxhalls
I drove one to Glasgow and back the other day and I was half way back before I worked out that the random green thing that kept flashing occasionally on the dash was this "shift" light. It goes on at 2500 rpm in a petrol Corsa. 2500rpm? If you want to ruin the engine in 50k, by all means never rev above 2500 rpm. Knock yourself out. I'd love to see the carbon fuckprint trade-off between getting a few more mpg by doing that compared to a whole new engine twice as often.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:21, closed)

I agree.
I don't need a car to tell me when to change gear. My wife is happy enough doing it.
(Mao's stepson is doing his bit for East/West relation's, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 16:48, closed)

Perhaps
you should offer her services to GM, they could sample her voice and then, rather than just a light saying to change gear, the voice of your beloved could tell people the world over, in particular, blind drivers.

Erm, hang on...
(Rsoles, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 19:56, closed)