I don't wish to put any sort of a downer upon your life's work, and I'm certainly no expert in the field, but I don't think it's possible to clone a thing from its sperm, on account of sperm only having half of the necessary gubbins. Even if you selectively wanked two sperms into the LHC and mashed them into a proper nucleus, you'd basically be getting two sets of random picks from your genetic makeup rather than a facsimile of your genetic makeup - meaning, for example, that if you carry a recessive ginger gene, but are not yourself ginger, your spermclone could in fact be ginger. And also, as the resultant honeymonster would have no mitochondria, it would have no energy, and would thus be a mopey ginger emo. You would then be obliged to kill yourself. Which, thinking about it, was your next point.

Oh, nevermind.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 23:39, Reply)