Instant Karma's gonna get you!
I think it's pretty well established that I'm something of an environmentalist and conservationist. I grew up in the Adirondack Mountains of New York, and have spent many years cursing snowmobiles and jet skis and motorboats- aside from the nuisance factor, they all tend to be two cycle engines that dump about 40% of their fuel, unburned, out the exhaust. But the more immediate thing that I hate about them is the noise and the fact that the two-synapse cretins who ride them suddenly feel that they have the right to charge into every quiet corner of the woods, simply because their roaring penis substitutes can take them there.

Story 1 involves a snowmobile. The area I come from has hundreds of miles of snowmobile trails clearly marked, places where they can roar along to their hearts' content. Invariably, though, the cretins will take their machines across the frozen lakes- often through peoples' yards as well- and will frequently hit a thin spot and go through the ice, improving the average intelligence of humanity a little.

This particular snowmobiler got especially drunk and decided to race his machine along a small back road as fast as it could go- a road that follows a river, that I don't think I would drive on faster than 40 mph in a car in summer. The police estimate that he was going about 120 mph when his machine became airborne and went through both sides of a garage. Parts of him did as well.

Story 2 involves a jet ski. In the early 90s they generally had no mufflers on them, and regulations hadn't really gone into effect yet regarding their use, so from dawn 'til dusk there was an incessant howling on the lakes as the cretins ran in circles and jumped every boat wake they could find. In this case our hero was following a rather large boat with a V hull that was throwing up an impressive wake, and was cutting in as close as he could to the boat to get the most wake. The pilot of the boat, not knowing the cretin, was getting extremely irate over having to listen to the howl of the jet ski, so he pulled sharply back on the throttle to stop the boat so he could have a word. As he did so the cretin, his blood fizzing with adrenaline and as much testosterone as his undoubtedly minuscule testes could produce, failed to notice the change in the boat's speed- and slammed face first into the side of it.

Me, I like karma a lot sometimes.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 14:47, 5 replies)

Like it
Darwin in action!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 15:20, closed)

Dicks will be dicks
Jet-skis and snowmobiles are bloody good fun though.
( wangmaster2000, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 17:07, closed)

Thank you...
...your opening paragraph was a joy to read!
( thealternativefact, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 17:28, closed)

Jet skis and snowmobiles
are fun for the person riding them, but not for the rest of us. I grew up seeing them as being an evil that had to be tolerated, as that area is completely dependent on tourist dollars. While the vast majority will use them responsibly, it's the assholes that get noticed.

One man near my parents had a very nice garden in his yard. One day a snowmobiler decided that he wanted to be out on the frozen lake, so he cut through Jack's yard. Then over the next couple of months, every snowmobiler who came along followed the trail to get to the lake- and Jack's garden became a muddy ruin. I remember well hearing him threaten to get a piano wire and string it about four feet above the ground, right at neck level for a snowmobiler.

Another man I knew had a similar problem. He resolved it with a dozen chunks of rebar driven into the ground so they protruded about six inches- just enough to rip the bottom of a snowmobile to shreds.

Before jet skis it was water skiers. My brother in law and I were very nearly hit by one when he and his buddy decided it would be cool to zip in so close to shore that they could lean down and slap the end of a dock as they went by. Fortunately they missed hitting us- and even more fortunately I recognized the boat. One quick phone call to the sheriff resolved that quite nicely- and that family has never spoken to us since, and has stayed far away.

No, I do not have any love for snowmobiles, jet skis, powerful motorboats, four-wheelers, off-road trucks, dirt bikes or anything else that lets idiots go screaming along through the landscape. Had I my way I would ban the lot of them, other than for use by emergency rescue workers. I have far too many tales of personal experience to tell.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 20:28, closed)

Come to Alaska...
I guarantee you that snowmachines are far more common up here. They're basically used as mopeds and go-around vehicles. At 40 below, they're far more carbon-efficient than a diesel-powered vehicle -- if you can get yours started at 40 below. I love my snowmachine -- it's a lot easier to ride it through town four miles to work than driving my car.
(FleetlordVT, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 7:31, closed)