Non-funny answer.
And here is karma in her unpleasant form.

Those who have met me can tell you that I have a definite fondness for good beer and the occasional bit of scotch. However, I think all of them will tell you that I don't take it to excess- I rarely get drunk, and when I do I get progressively quieter until I fall asleep. But I do, as a rule, have a few beers each evening.

My ex, the Nurse From Hell (NFH for short), came from a family where alcohol was a definite problem- her father was rather notorious in the area surrounding the city of my birth, and was often a very nasty drunk. Consequently I can see why NFH has issues regarding drinking- but she used to tell me all the time what an alcoholic I am, based on my habit of having three or four beers over the course of an evening. I listened to constant sniping over this for seventeen years until we separated.

When I left I felt like a prisoner freed at last from a gulag, and after a few months began to date. NFH found out about this and, according to my kids, went truly mental. She immediately began buying new clothing, bleached her hair blonde, started going to the tanning beds every week, going out with her friends to sing karoke, got a tramp stamp (also known as a slag tag or ass antlers), and generally behaved like a stereotypical dumped and divorced woman in middle age trying to regain her twenties. It didn't take long for her to find someone to move in with her- and this is where karma starts getting interesting.

Medallion Man (MM for short) looked rather like something from a 70s porno the first time I saw him, hairy chest with a heavy gold chain showing in his unbuttoned shirt. He had initially asked NFH if he could leave his SUV and some of his stuff at her place, while he went away for a few months. It turned out that he had been thrown out of his apartment by his girlfriend and was being sent to jail for having too many DUI charges.

When he emerged he sold the SUV as his license had been revoked- permanently, I think- and started doing odd work for contractors, installing sheet rock. He sort of drifted along, never employed by anyone for any length of time, and continued drinking a lot. My kids said that he was actually a nice enough guy and didn't mistreat them, so I'll give him some credit- and apparently he also got NFH to calm down a little, so she wasn't as much a shrieking harridan as she had been. That being said...

I know of at least one occasion when MM disappeared for a week or two after a major fight with NFH. He also insisted on driving himself home from a Christmas party after having another major fight with NFH at the party, and was found in the driveway in her car, passed out behind the wheel after parking sideways. I told NFH in no uncertain terms that he was not ever to drive any of my children anywhere under any circumstances, and if he did I would report it immediately to the police.

And then karma did a reverse roundhouse kick to the jaw. Apparently after much haranguing by NFH he stopped drinking, but unknown to her he took up an old habit that he had had problems with in the past. One morning last spring he was riding in the work van on the way to a job site and complained of feeling tired and fell asleep as they rode. The driver stopped at a convenience store for coffee and something to eat, and when he returned to the van he found MM slumped over and blue. He dialed 911 and started CPR, but it was too late- MM was already brain dead. The opiates he had taken caused an aneurysm in his skull, which stopped his heart and his breathing. He was hooked up to the ventilator so his tissues were still alive- but he was gone at that point.

I was present through much of this as I took the kids up to the hospital in northern Virginia where he was. I saw the kids say goodbye to him, and heard the doctors talking to NFH about MM's wish to be an organ donor. Apparently he had been exposed to hepatitis due to intravenous drug use in his youth, and the opiates had done other damage so all they could save were his kidneys. NFH being a Catholic, she was not at all happy about any of this- but she went through with it, and was present when they took him off of life support just before taking the kidneys.

I never would have wished any of this on her, no matter what, of course. But I still find it highly ironic, considering her attitude toward me...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 15:49, 6 replies)

Tramp stamp
Also known as a Ho Bow.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 15:58, closed)

Tramp stamp
But what is it?

RL, besides being decent to your kids, he did one good thing in his life--two people lived who would have died.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 21 Feb 2008, 17:38, closed)

Tramp stamp
Here is as good a set of definitions as I've seen. I especially love the synonyms at the top of the page. California License Plate especially made me chuckle.

MM seems to have been essentially a decent guy, just not very smart and burdened with serious substance abuse problems. Apparently it ran in his family- his siblings and his mother all died from drug overdoses, which lends credence to the theory that addictions of that sort have a genetic basis. I never had any issue with him per se, I just didn't want him driving my kids anywhere.

I think NFH and MM were married three years, if memory serves. From what little my kids have said, it was not a peaceful marriage by any means- although he did seem to make her more stable, so that at least was good.

I do hope that his kidneys saved lives, as otherwise his legacy is a sad one indeed.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 21 Feb 2008, 20:40, closed)

Hehe!
This tramp stamp thing would be sad if it wasn't so funny. I don't think it has the same connotations here as it does in America.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 9:07, closed)

me likey
I like this story. Not only is it symbolic of the random nature of karma, but I also learned something.

How to spell aneurysm

Many thanks
(acharps, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 10:46, closed)

If tramp stamp is too american
try slag tag


or

whoremark
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 22 Feb 2008, 18:07, closed)