Ex catharsis
This isn't hugely entertaining or witty. It's more of a big, big vent, and some bitchy schadenfraude on my part.

My ex was a silly, silly man. Sure, he was a nice fellow at first (which is why I went out with him in the first place, obviously), but it all sharply descended into what a psychology student friend of mine called "a textbook abusive relationship".

He was the controlling type who thought that I was a raging harlot. He was absolutely paranoid about me cheating on him, and did everything from barring me from talking to my male friends to making sure I didn't wear anything that might show the tiniest inch of my cleavage or thighs. He actually banned me from wearing eyeliner, because it made me look "like a whore".

By the way, I'd like to claim that I have only been involved with males in a relationship sense. The idea of casual sex confuses me. As for having an affair? I am the worst liar in the world. I'm also very loyal. The Ex's ex had cheated on him, and decided that I would be the target for his insecurity and unresolved issues. Great!!

It was because of him that I spent a year stone-cold sober when I was 18, because girls apparently invite thousands of men into their cavernous vaginas after they've been drinking. Ridiculous.

I'm the sort of person who tries to see the good in people and am willing to overlook the bad stuff. However, after a year of putting up with his insanity, my corresponding insanity and our general dysfunction to work in a relationship, I broke up with him after he called me a slut for no reason whatsoever.

My life had turned completely upside down because of him. I had no friends, no hobbies, dressed like a bag woman, and had barely any opinions of my own anymore, as he argued with me all the time. Basically, I'd felt like shite for an entire year for this guy. Love is stupid, isnt it?

After I dumped him, I threw myself into my taekwondo training and got a black belt. I got a new job and started earning far more money than I had been. I reunited with my friends that I'd been forced to ditch (all of them, male and female, have promised to rearrange the Ex's face if they ever see him). I got into the uni course I've always wanted to be in. I started making myself look the way I wanted to again (OMG, A DRESS THAT FINISHES SLIGHTLY ABOVE THE KNEE!) and felt better about myself. I took the plunge and started writing a blog, which led to me getting a writing gig for a uni magazine. And then I met the man who I'm moving out with next weekend. I knew he was the one when he suggested that we go drinking and see a punk gig on one of our first dates.

Yup, life for me post-breakup has been pretty sweet. How about the ex?

The ex turned into an alcoholic. Yup, the guy who banned me from drinking turned into an alcoholic. I know this because he rang me at 3am for a few weeks after we broke up, moaning about how he wanted to get back together with me, and that he'd been drinking himself to sleep. Some of our mutual friends, and even some of his very good friends, are siding with me over the matter and avoid talking to him. He got very drunk and hooked up with an oldfriend of mine one night. I think he was hoping that I would be upset about this, but I mainly laughed because she's a hideous, fat slag, and hasn't been my friend for years. He was quite terrified for a while, as she became obsessed with him and stalked him (they're in the same uni classes, LOL). He ended up throwing in his Science degree (the one that he bragged about constantly, but was failing miserably at) for a pissy business one, which he's barely passing because he's usually too drunk to show up to lectures.

My favourite bit of karma: He met a lovely girl at a bar, who gave him her MSN. Thrilled and excited, he eagerly anticipated talking to the woman of his dreams.

He found out later that she blocked him, and had no interest in him whatsoever. It was all a big prank. Cue much emo-ing to one of our mutual friends on msn while drowning his sorrows in a bottle of vodka. Me and the mutual friend LOL'd.

Not sure about what he's up to nowadays, but I'll continue to be amused when I hear bad things happening to him.

Sure, I was an absolute idiot for giving this guy the time of day. I don't deny that. But I feel that he's getting his karma, a little bit at a time.

Oh, and I want to high five that girl who led him on.

Length? My current boyfriend's is bigger ;)
(TheChicken Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 18:10, 1 reply)

I had an odd one like that...
He wouldn't let me eat pork scratchings or sing in a deep voice that sounded like a blokes. No, seriously.

I've got a *cracking* karma story about him to post in a bit.
(Cryptoprocta has abandoned the username of Voodoo Mary, Sat 23 Feb 2008, 21:28, closed)