The angry, angry man
I think this is a pearoast, but never mind...

Working behind the bar in a quiet little pub when I was a student, the monotony was broken one day when a red-faced, very loud bloke came in and grunted 'Stella!' at me.

'Sorry mate - no Stella. We've got Carlsberg Export.'

He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his leg.

'Fuckin' Carlsberg Export. Fuckin' 'ell! You call this a pub, eh?'
'Er... Yeah. Do you want a pint?'
'Yeah - go on...'

Just as I was pouring his pint, the explanation for his anger became clear - a very, very angry woman barrelled through the front door of the pub, a whirling vision of peroxide hair, make up, and flailing limbs, and started screaming at him. Deciding to face the barrage outside, he turned and walked straight out of the front door, followed by the very, very angry woman, who was now beating him with her bag, and me and half the pub who wanted to see what happened next.

Reaching the street, the angry, angry man took his anger out by lashing out with a hefty kick at our free-standing pub sign on the pavement. What he didn't realise was that the landlady was fed up of our signs getting nicked/damaged, and so this one was made out of heavy wood and metal and had about 10 stone of sand in the base.

The angry, angry man squealed and then hopped off down the pavement holding one foot, still being beaten by his girlfriend. We all had a good laugh, and then I headed back inside and drank his pint.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 14:44, 3 replies)

Excellent
Bet it tasted sooo sweet!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 14:48, closed)

It was lovely
Despite the fact that Carlsberg Export is slightly shit (he may have sort of had a point)
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 14:51, closed)

Carlsberg Exported, the company's premium offering, is created by mixing regular Carlsberg with some tramp juice Special Brew.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 3 Feb 2011, 17:38, closed)