Needless to say, they had the last laugh.
It makes me cringe at the memory of this, typing it out, but if anyone deserves a low-grade smut story, I suppose it's you guys.

I was invited to a club of very low repute by a good friend of mine, on the pretext that he was going to do up a mutual friend like the proverbial kipper. Oh boy, was I wrong. The night in question was a stag night, and part of the "entertainment" two incredibly filthy and mind-bogglingly ropey strippers were employed to entertain the crowds. The friend who invited me was to do standup in between the "acts". Little did I know how the acts were to turn out.

There were 12 stunning young girls mingling with the guests before the show began. My "friend" went on, did a few gags and introduced on Kelly, a girl with a set of norks that wouldn't have looked out of place on a cow. The girl began to do her bit before leaving the stage in pursuit of a victim. As luck would have it, she chose me. Then, some foam and squirty cream were employed and my head stuffed between the enormous baps. Then out came the clunge and was projected into my face.

At this point I was rather shocked at the close contact but then things really happened. With the gentle help of my mate Ash, a professional pikey wrestler doing security, I was escorted to the stage and an awaiting chair. The girl, who quite frankly could frighten a police horse, then removed my shirt and began doing all manner of filthy things with more squirty cream and at one point I was forced to lick it off of her arse crack, nipples and belly button. Things then became rather uncomfortable for me. I was then bent over the chair, my shirt removed, and my arse was then thrashed with a leather strap. You could easily see the pain in my eyes and some protesting took place. The girl, now completely naked sat on me and employed a large bush buzzer on herself. It was red, like my face.

As I cleaned up and went back to my seat, from backstage I could hear my so-called friends having a very hearty last laugh.

The cunts.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 11:38, 7 replies)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 11:54, closed)

This is not me.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 13:47, closed)

By 'cleaned up' do you mean 'nipped to the bogs to bang one out'?

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 14:00, closed)

What kind of cunt wanks in bogs?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 14:56, closed)

I couldn't possibly say.
Besides, the shitters were out of order.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 15:39, closed)

Alrite piston, I think it's quite rude to refer to Hood-Butters supermodel girlfriend as an "incredibly filthy and mind-bogglingly ropey stripper"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 5 Feb 2011, 15:42, closed)

'Allo VC
I wasn't referring to her at all. Now your Mum on the other hand.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 5 Feb 2011, 17:27, closed)