Another story on the ex!
I had been separated from my wife for over a year (not divorced yet, but separated) when it came time for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Mom decided that what she wanted for the occasion was to take everyone to Disneyworld for four days, and because she was feeling kindly, she invited my estranged along. (Yes, she asked me first, and I said I was okay with it, as the kids would want her there.)

So the night before I agreed to stay over at my former house and sleep on the couch, and use the kids' bathroom in the morning. As I was there and she really didn't want to be in my presence, the ex decided to go out to a bar with a friend.

The flight was leaving, as I recall, at about 7:30 in the mornng, which meant that we all had to get up extremely early. I made sure the kids were all packed the night before and got the suitcases in the car, so when I awoke all I had to do was shower and dress and get the kids moving. No problem- we all got up on time and I fed the kids, and we were all ready to get in the car by 6:15.

Except for the ex.

I had awakened her at the same time I got everyone else going, but it turned out that she had not packed yet. She also had not written out directions for the kid who was taking care of the animals, and was moving extra slowly due to a hangover. So after much chivvying I got her out the door at about 7:00.

The airport is more than half an hour away, if you drive as you should. I got us there at about 7:25.

When we went to check in, we were told that our flight had already left, but another would be going in about ten minutes. So I checked the luggage and sent everyone ahead to the gate while I got the tickets straightened around.

Just as the girl at the counter was finishing that up (and she was busting her ass to get it done fast, no complaints there), my son comes down to find me with a look of urgency in his eyes. "Dad, the plane's about to leave!"

"I know, I know! We've almost got the tickets!"

I got them from the girl and thanked her for her efforts, then took my son by the hand and ran through the airport to the gate. (This was early 2001, when you could still do that.) We ran through the metal detector without a hitch, to be confronted by the ex. Her face was red and her eyes bloodshot as she screamed at me, "Goddammit! We missed that one too!"

I spoke in a very low and terrible voice. "I will only say this once. The kids and I were ready to go 45 minutes before you were this morning. We would have made that first flight if you had gotten off your goddam ass and been ready last night instead of going out drinking. You want someone to blame? There's a bathroom right over there with a mirror in it." And I stalked off to the desk to find out about the next flight.

The guys at the counter had witnessed the entire exchange, and were very nice as they found seats on the next flight- two up front and three in the rear.

Does it end here? Hell no.

We arrived in Orlando, but our luggage was somewhere else at that moment. Dad greeted us at the airport, and I asked him to take the ex and the kids to the hotel while I got the luggage. So when I got the bags together I took the shuttle bus to Disney and got to the hotel, got the key to the room where the kids were staying and took the luggage there.

No one was there. Not a note, not a phone call on my mobile, nothing. No sign of anyone.

I had been up since 5:00, was tired, hungry, and out of patience. I left a note on the table to the effect that I was going to find myself some goddam food and go enjoy myself for a time, and if they wanted me they could call my phone and I might answer if I was calm enough by then. I then went to the nearest restaurant and got a sandwich and three beers, then went and rode the Tower of Terror twice before my phone rang.

So why had I not heard anything? Why wasn't there a note?

"We left word at the front desk where we were going. Didn't you get it?"

No I didn't, thank you very fucking much.

For my parents' sake, I was civil to one and all, even the ex, for the remainder of our trip. But I swear, I could have committed murder and gotten off if I told that story to any sane jury...

And yes, six years later I'm still highly annoyed.

Sorry for the length and lack of humorous punchline- it was a rant that I just needed to get off my chest.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 29 Jun 2007, 15:06, Reply)