Why I was late"On the way to the station, I got hit by a bat, it almost took my head clean off. Then the machine would not accept my ticket and the guy at the gate didn't think I looked like the photo on my travel card. So I had to go home and get my passport.
Then the train was 45 minutes late to the station because of the dangerous badger threat at Carpenters Park.
When I was on the train it took and hour and a half to get past the biscuit factory because the driver was really fat.
Then there was a delay stopping at the station because the train in front had heard we were coming and decided to play a practical joke with a rubber shoe on the track.
That is why I couldn't get here on time today."
What's your best excuse?
(
chthonic, Thu 28 Jun 2007, 10:36)
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Not me, but my best mate...Dave (I shall call him) is late for just about everything, ever. One day he was over an hour late for a beer on a Sunday lunchtime. When he finally arrived I pointed out that an hour was a bit much, even for him (he lives about five minutes' walk from the pub). His excuse?
"I got out of the shower, dried off and put my pants on. there was a wasp in them. It stung me. On the bell-end." Ouch! Dave is a roundhead, BTW, so no foreskin for protection.
"Fuck me," I said. "Did you kill it?"
"No," he replied. "I had rather more pressing matters to attend to, like seeing exactly how cold a domestic shower can get."
I asked if he was so late because he'd been to the chemist for some Wasp-Eeze, but he said no, that would have made him miss the pub, and he'd promised to be there. He was standing there (in tightish jeans) with an untended wasp sting on his helmet, just to meet us. Kudos to the man of iron. Mind you, when the last bell went he was over to Tesco's pharmacy for some spray pretty damn sharpish.
Length? Legendary, but not nearly as legendary as his (temporary) girth.
(, Tue 3 Jul 2007, 14:23, Reply)
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