Pantomime Shame
Small villages eh? Not much for a teenager to do when it's winter and the weather is determined to keep you indoors and close to your parents. As such, half of the youngsters that grew up in the same place as I did joined the local Am Dram group and spend the Autumn and Winter months rehearsing and performing* in the village pantomime.

Most of us had been to see the pantos as kids and knew all the "Oh no it isn't" "Oh yes it is" tropes that any pantomime worth its salt would roll out every year. These phrases were a bit of an on-going gag with the adults in the Am Dram group who would throw in a well-timed panto-heckle during meetings and other unexpectedly comedic moments, usually to great reception.

So naturally, when presented with the perfect opportunity of a character on stage creeping up on another I shouted "It's behind you!" in my clearest voice.

The silence that followed and the heats of my blushes are etched on my memory like coke on Daniella Westbrook's nose.

I remembered too late I was not in the village anymore. I was in the audience of my high school show, surrounded by urban kids who had probably never seen a pantomime, let alone recognised the catchphrases around it. 500 kids with NO clue why I'd just shouted such a ridiculous comment at a couple of teachers performing a sketch.

As I shrivelled up and died inside, I learnt one of the more valuable lessons of my school career - the importance of knowing your audience.

*or gossiping and chatting each other up.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 23 Aug 2013, 12:45, Reply)