I had a mate when I was younger named Rob.
It was quite confusing for our parents (and us) at times as whenever anyone called for "Rob!" - two little voices would pipe up in unison.

We would often have sleepovers at each others parent's abode.
With sleepovers comes tidying up the following morning (as any polite and respectful kid will tell you).

So it came to pass one fateful morning. We had spent the night building lego forts in Rob's room, ready to wage fullscale lego war at a moments notice.
Rob's parents were busy in the adjoining room and elsewhere in the house doing some electrical rewiring. At least a few times that morning his mum or dad had strolled through his room narrowly avoiding us and our lego forts that we were *ahem* "packing up and putting away" as we played with them.
The cries went from a polite "Rob, you need to tidy your toys away - get you friend to help." to "ROB! LEGO! NOW!"

At one point Rob's dad poked his head around the corner and asked Rob to hold onto a wire (not live - of course!) whilst he pulled it thru the wall cavity to a a point in the adjoining room. Around the same time his mum found our still functioning, plastic, feudal war game still in progress. With her bare foot.

And the cry went out - "Rob Leggo!" Which Rob promptly did. The resulting kerfuffle as his dad fell back having been vigorously pulling the electrical cable AND the sound of his mum shouting as her instep found the edge of a rectangular brick drove us both into action.

The resulting Marco-Polo type game in the backyard as they tried to find us was actually quite good fun.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:17, 4 replies)

I had no mates when I was a nipper.
So I did as many teenagers did and invented an imaginary friend. Trouble was, I don't have much imagination, so my imaginary mate was also called Rob! Can you imagine the confusion? Ma would call out 'Rob, get your fat ass out here now!' and I'd reply, 'Sure thing ma!' and then two seconds later I'd say, 'Sure thing ma!' again, in exactly the same voice. Jeez I had some fun as a little blighter.

Ma hated the other Rob almost as much as she hated me. Even took me to some fancy doctor once to try and see why a 19yr old still had an imaginary friend, the doc didn't do much - but he did say he'd be ma's second signature if she wanted to have me sectioned, but more about another time eh!

Anyhoo, back to the old Lego story! So this one time, I'd spent weeks building a mega-fort using all 20 of my Lego bricks. It took me fucking ages to get it to stand up, until one of ma's mates explained that the bobbly bits go inside the other bricks and that then they'd stay together. That guy was some kind of magician!

So anyhoo, I'd built my megafort and was standing inside it, me and Rob defending it from any possible attackers. I had my plastic pirate sword in my belt and was wearing the police helmet Uncle Jay got me for me 18th birthday. Nobody was getting into MY fort. For about 6hrs me and Rob steadfastly defended Fort Fairholme, even managing to ignore ma's cries of, 'Can't you bloody well do that inside and not on the front lawn?'

But soon I was desperate! Boy, I needed a piss! But I couldn't leave the fort - and the other Rob was too weak to defend it by himself. So, as true soldier and defender of Fort Fairholme, I didn't leave my post. I pulled down me kecks, grabbed my greasy cock and pissed away! I made a perfect moat for my fort! A foul smelling piss-full moat! Now no one would come near us!

But bloody ma appeared. 'Rob!' She yelled. 'Yes' I answered, quickly followed by another 'Yes' from the other Rob. 'Put it away and LET GO OF IT NOW! She screamed. Thing is, I thought she was talking about the LEGO! You know, cos she said 'Let Go' and it kinda sounded like 'Lego' - if you see what I mean.

'Never!' I shouted to the heavens. 'I will NEVER let go. I will never surrender Fort Fairholme!'

Well, cut a long story short, turns out ma was telling me to let go of my greasy cock, not the lego! And by that evening she'd called the fancy doc and me and the other Rob were off to a 'special holiday camp'. But the joke was on ma...as the holiday camp had 1000's of Lego pieces to play with! Well, 1000's of Lego pieces that the other Rob could play with, I found it kinda hard playing with my hands tied and stretched out behind my back in my 'special holiday jacket'.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 15:05, closed)

YES!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 15:31, closed)

I am genuinely weeping with laughter at this. Superb.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 16:31, closed)

I wish you and you new friends
all the best Alby.

Enjoy, mate - it's your time to shine.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Wed 30 Oct 2013, 0:06, closed)