Dear extremely loud coworker,
Every day you sit next to me at your desk on support calls, talking rapid-fire into the handset at levels so unbelievably loud the walls of this office visually bulge. Your conversations with customers are also frequently accented with piercing, elf-like peals of laughter.

While I am aware that presenting a bright and happy attitude to callers is important to the technical support division of any company, I am also aware that if you continue in this manner I shall have no choice than to grab the back of your head and SLAM YOUR FACE INTO THE DESKTOP 27 TIMES IN A ROW SPATTERING BLOOD AND BITS OF CHEAPLY-DONE DENTAL WORK INTO THE WIDESCREEN MONITOR, AFTER WHICH I'LL WHIP OUT A SLIGHTLY RUSTY LAWNMOWER BLADE AND THERE WILL BE A FESTIVAL OF HACKING, CHOPPING, AND STABBING INTERSPERSED WITH MANIACAL CACKLING AS YOUR TWITCHING CORPSE SPRAYS RED PLASMA IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE DIRECTION!!!!!!!????????#{$`%"#{$`+%"{#`%+&;74[@L7@[PKI6

Yours fictionally,
THE 2.

Oh, PS: See you see you at the Saxe-Coburgs' canasta evening. (That should puzzle him.)
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Thu 4 Mar 2010, 23:56, 5 replies)

It sounds like you need a better job.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 0:01, closed)

Do you
Sit next to Alan Carr?
(Ludacrust alliterated your monstrously magnanimous mother, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 0:04, closed)

I don't, but he might.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 0:26, closed)

Might be.
This guy's not funny, either.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Fri 5 Mar 2010, 1:04, closed)

I think I work at
Latent Hostility Ltd.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Fri 5 Mar 2010, 0:50, closed)