One summer's afternoon,
I was browsing through my friend's grubby mags and spotted an advert for a doll. Not your average blow up things but a lifesized anatomically accuate model of a beautiful woman. It had adjustable speeds for the buzzers built in to the three available holes and the pubes were real pubes shaved off a top porn actress. It was advertised for £2000 which seems a bit steep for a plastic shag.

I did what anyone reading this would have done and whipped out my visa card and ordered one. I can't say I was all that pleased as this letter explains.

To: The Managing Director, The Lushous Latex Lovelace Doll Co, 70a Balls Pond Road, Egypt.

Dear Sirs, I am returning the doll I purchased last Wednesday. In the user manuel, it clearly shows in fig c. the cleaning plug situated on the carse shows the arrow in the up position. I set the arrow on the plug facing up as shown and after a somewhat disappointing ride I blew my beans which shot out of the plug and landed into my gusset.

I would also like to point out that the clunge is not made to accomodate persons of larger appendage like myself. It's not far off but another inch would result in a nuts deep session.
As for the blurter. How tight is that? I couldn't even get my bell in the poo chute.
The mouth is a joke. OK you can get right in but then that annoying vibrator kicks in and it reminds me of my sister who always gagged and made funny vibrating noises which tickled my chap.
Now as for the publes. If they were shaved off a porn star wouldn't they smell of Gillette Shaving Gel and not a cross between a wet dog and a crab stick? This is somewhat disturbing.

Finally I draw your attention to the stabillity of the device. I am only 18 stone yet the doll was unable to take my full weight during a session doggy style. As you can see on page 7 fig. 15 it clealy shows the doll bent over with the gentleman holding onto the waist. I tried this which resulted in me falling forward lunging deep within the muff striking my bell on a piece of loose wire or a shard of plastic from the power supply. This made me jump backwards striking the wardrobe with great force. The poor design of the vag did not permit it from detaching itself from my cock. Being made from rubber in then catapulted itself towards me striking virtually every inch of my body causing severe bruising before falling off of my now flacid knob and falling to the floor in a rubbery lump. My entire collection of 60 & Over then fell from the top of the wardrobe striking me on the head, chest and toilet areas. This was a very unfortunate event I would not wish to repeat.

I would either like a full refund or these problems put right and my friend Colin wants to know if you make them in black.

Yours
Captn Horatio Hood-Butter III (ret)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 6 Mar 2010, 1:31, 1 reply)

Fighting to contain the officelols and failing
Fracking superb
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:18, closed)